It’s around 7 pm on Thursday, August 2, 2018. I have a meeting with a demon, not a real-life demon but a
His name is Dimeji*, a 29-year-old lawyer turned real estate agent. He is 6’2, dark-skinned and intelligent. He enjoys traveling and watching Manchester United play. He lives in Omole Phase II, an extension of the high brow Omole Estate in Ikeja and he has five girlfriends. Yes, you read that right, he has five girlfriends.
I was running late for my interview with Dimeji. He lets me know that one of his girlfriends Funto* is around for an hour. Luckily for me, by the time I get there she would have left his crib.
Dimeji’s apartment is a 2-bedroom apartment, beautifully decorated with African-esque paint job that covers the steps to the entire front porch with a collage of colours from pink to sky blue, excluding the brown door for entrance.
I rang the doorbell and was welcomed with a combination of charm and subtle cynicism by a 5’7 woman, dressed in a dark blue, fitted dress, jewelries and beautifully braided hair. Hmmm…it seems Funto waited around for more than just an hour.
“Tolani, right? What took you so long? I should have left 30 minutes ago.” I apologized. It was all I could muster.
Funto is a 31-year old divorcee, in a casual relationship with Dimeji. Her marriage ended over consistent physical abuse and she was keen to avoid the same. She is a Medical Doctor that now works for an international aid company.
She likes Dimeji because, “He is a good listener that enjoys, a great lover and patiently sensitive personality”. She continues, “His other girlfriends are not really a problem, because I’m not sure I can offer a relationship right now, so the relationship suits us both.”
She concludes by saying that “after terrible marriage, needed something easier.” She embodies the freedom he loves to conduct his love life with. My chance meeting with Funto didn’t last long. She left five minutes after my arrival.
The looks Dimeji offered her as she talked about him gave greater insight into what both might not be admitting to each other. Could a have a heart?
Who is a Yoruba demon?
In a Pulse article written in 2015, the term Yoruba demon is defined as “. He is a seducer who lures women into his bedroom. He is said to be a playboy whose sole mission is to break the hearts of innocent women. He has a silver tongue, many girlfriends and an overactive sex life.”
In 2015, the term Yoruba demon would seep into the consciousness of Nigerian pop culture. Today, it is part compliment and part slur.
The notoriety of Yoruba demons has risen as Nigerian millennials have become woke and social media platforms have become places for expression.
They are dragged in one breath for their cold ways of using women and dumping. They are also adored in another breath for their good looks and sharp dress sense.
The Nigerian millennial woke generation shuns polygamy. One man to one woman is the ideal setup for them. However, judging from the numerous heartbreak threads posted on Twitter regularly, a lot of men from the South-West are not really into monogamous relationships.
Yoruba demons run counter of the Victorian principles from the colonial era they were raised on.
“What you get are these young men who on the surface of it look like westernized men but deep down they have these Yoruba ideas of what relationships should be” said veteran journalist and social critic Funmi Iyanda on her vlog in 2017.
Polygamy during the pre-colonial and colonial eras was strong in South-Western Nigeria. The kids who born in the 60s and 70s grew up not to be too fond of polygamy.
It is now rare to see a Yoruba man in his 30s or 40s married to more than a wife. What is common is Yoruba men having side chicks and concubines while married. In relationships, monogamy and exclusivity are not ironclad principles for them.
Back to Dimeji. He spent the immediate next few minutes talking about Funto and how she was special woman who deserves the best.
He kept repeating the lines, “an amazing woman” and sat in the brown leather chair, directly opposite a television tuned to MTV Base, I couldn’t help but ask if I chose the right devil. What I had seen so far was a guy thoughtful man with the ideal crush on a woman he was having casual sex with.
I was to find out Funto knows he has 4 other women — and 2 of these women are friends.
I met Dimeji around March 2017 at King’s supermarket just outside Omole Phase II gate, as we scrambled for the last 3 bottles of Orijin beer with some heavy man-pettiness involved at about 9:30 on a Friday night — we both wanted all 3 bottles, but I got there first.
He won me over when he confessed that he had a woman coming over, after some lighthearted jibes. Due to the unspoken ‘man rule’, I had to do him a solid; I gave up 2 bottles.
The girl was Funke*, now 27 and a banker who might be bisexual, but Dimeji called her “the usually unavailable best sex of my life.” She never came that night in March 2017.
“She seems to get better every time. Going down on her knocks me the fuck out; she smells so nice and she has a good sense of timing and change of pace, plus she always cooks when she comes around” he further said.
Dimejichose her because, like his rules suggest, she is independent, beautiful and unlikely to seek a relationship. Even if she — like the others — suddenly crave the proverbial ‘more’, Dimeji would hit them with the ‘but we agreed on no relationship’ angle that only makes females more angry.
Dimeji however admits that, “Her looks alone drive me crazy. When you consider her sexual prowess, I just can’t get enough. I think it also help that we don’t see each other for 8 weeks at a time, sometimes.”
There, I uncovered another would be factor; Dimeji only craves relationships of convenience.
Dimeji drives an ML Benz that feels like a Toyota Camry. We laughed about my quip while we settled down to have some drinks and continue chatting. Somehow, he kept referring to beer as, “Jigbi”, which he referred to his Dad’s fund alias for beer.
It led to conversations about his Dad who was a polygamist and serial womanizer who sometimes employed Dimeji’s innocence to execute some of his exploits.
He recounts one, “I was about 9 then, we branched to visit one of my mother’s friend’s shop after he came to pick me from school. She had her shop in front of her house. Daddy said he was going to see something inside while I was left in the shop with a bottle of Goldspot and Okin biscuit or something. They were gone for about 30 minutes. They came out looking normal and we were soon off. He told me to tell me Mum that we stopped at his office to pick something if she ever asked me why we were late. Na like 12 years ago I connect the dots.”
Dimeji however refutes the claims that has impacted his way of life, “I’m not sure it has anything to do with that. I been like woman from day one. E late before I first knack — I was 18, but the tendency don dey tey tey. I had a mad ass crush on our cleaning maid when I was 8.” If it not a result of some negative influence, could it be genetic then? Or could it just be natural.
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Are human beings born contented or they usually want everything and only a few like Dimeji with the looks and comfort can truly afford this lifestyle? Is it really about affordability?
Dimeji simply attributes his ‘rolling stone’ and womanizing tendencies to lack of readiness. He claims, “When the time is right, I will find a good one and get me some fine pikin.” But it might not be that simple. You either enjoy what you are doing or you don’t.
Readiness might have materialized if vain enjoyment of his exploits did not seem a goal — he recalls his exploits fondly and with a hint of pride like they were conquests for his wall of shame.
The clear factor seems like he slips into boredom with stability and regular features when he says, “I always want more. Like there always has to be more.”
That does not seem like readiness; there is only so much sexual evolution and freshness an aging woman can muster as aging is only natural.
Stable relationships transcends wanting more to simply balancing regularity of a partner against positives. Lack of contentment and lack of readiness seem fundamentally different, no?
The Two Friends
We soon returned to dissing each other’s clubs — he’s a Manchester United fan, but it was 9:25pm and I had only 30 minutes left. I had to do something. I jumped the conversation to something more productive.
I asked about his other exploits and he said his ‘harem’ includes three other girls, two of Lade* and Mfon*; proud friends, now acquaintances or enemies, on most days. Dimeji jokes, “on the good side, they both have large derrieres”.
“I met both of them at a show in December 2016, I started talking to first, but she claimed the she had a boyfriend at the time — she was lying. I met at a wedding in January 2017 and everything clicked from there. She get boyfriend o, but na every Saturday she dey land for 2 hours. She does amazing role play and cosplays. Her glasses also suit a fetish of mine.”
He continues, “When Lade found know about , she knack me Whatsapp message say she nor get boyfriend, that she only wanted me to try harder. To cut the story short, Lade lives at Magodo, so its every other day. The mad ting na say both of them now know what’s going on, but I think pride is why nobody wan concede. It’s hilarious actually.”
Fam, nothing gets to me, but even writing this, I cannot believe it. The greatest part is that I saw receipts — in one of those, Lade was trying to sabotage Mfon’s day by trying to compel Dimeji to come to her place. The greatest part is that both avoid physical contact with each other.
Finances, Time and Style
Money nor be issue. Except for a few desperate measures, where necessity defeats spec.
Dimeji says, “If they ain’t independent and self-sufficient, I ain’t interested.” Sometimes though,
“I have to jettison my rules when an action I cannot refuse comes through.”
While I sat there wondering how he I able to juggle all of them at once while remaining a successful guy in his late 20s, driving an ML Benz, he says, “Time nor be issue. It always works out — Na scheduling and understanding.”
When I asked if there has ever been a “collision of schedules”, Dimeji answers that it has happened just twice, but it was not with one of the regulars. Seriously, how does he manage all these women at once?
I did not bother asking because it hit me; it like a sport for him. Just as a car, wine, art or vintage accessories connoisseur collects pieces that tickle his fetish, Dimeji’s version is women. He says, “Honestly, the variety is good and i love it”, as he stares into the glass of chilled Orijin on his left hand, you almost think him shy.
“Funto is like the wife you want, but Jennifer na pure soul. Of the regular girls, nah only she no know say other ones definitely dey like open something, you get? But I just cannot bring myself to tell her about my other life and I think she loves me.”
He continues, “Although I have not been replying her ‘I love you’, she does seem to have some hope on something I cannot give her. Yet, I don’t want to let her go, I don’t know what that makes me. My fear is that when she finds out about the real me, I fit damage her beyond repairs. She’s only 24, but people have been damaged over smaller things.”
Again, I ask; could a Yoruba demon have a heart? Everyone has a heart. Admitting our vulnerabilities and opening ourselves up to the possibility of heartbreak might be the problem for some. It could also be an ego thing. Dimeji says, “Women can be annoying controlling when you hand them the keys” as we rode to Westgate supermarket earlier in the night, talking about Funto. That says a lot.
Jennifer* is a 24 year old Lawyer.
ALSO READ: How not to be a Yoruba Demon
I Love You
I asked him if a girl has ever told him she loved him before, he replied “yes”. I asked, “what was your reaction?” and He said, “I know that’s not for me, so I just evade like I do with Jennifer or just move on.”
At this point, I asked him if he cared about losing anyone of his regulars. His answer was, “At some point, they have to want more from life than sex with me. For Jennifer, I don’t know if I ever want her to find out.”
Upon asking him what he felt for Jennifer, he laughed and said, “Guy, why you dey drill me nah?” We both laughed.
At this point, we were both intoxicated on different levels. So he said, “There was this one time I felt nervous and conflicted with a lot of questions. The girl was good and I even cook for am on occasion. We were in Uni, but I just didn’t want to hitch my ride so early you know?”
He continues, “It’s not like that, but I just don’t get why I have to be with one person when I could go the D’Prince bakery [at Isheri] and meet another bombshell woman I can get with?”
The harem expands on occasion
Dimeji quips with some hint of ego, “Those 4 are just the regular ones. There will always be those we randomly get with, but the regular ones are here for ticking the boxes of independence, suiting my vanity, bed game and availability.”
In the end, Dimeji is too sensitive to be emotionless. Maybe studies are right that ‘playboys’ are usually undiscovered or misguided romantics. It just all seems a fear of vulnerability, resulting in unwillingness to discover what regularity with one woman offers.
While most humans have a tendency to cheat, no matter the idea of love due to attraction not being limited to one person, expression like Dimeji’sis quite unique. Asides that, if he can keep 5 women on a regular, it shows he can handle regularity. Thus, fear might be the problem.
His favorite is Funto, but Jennifer is his Achilles heel.
Around 10:05pm, I got up and told him I wanted to leave. We laughed about me shaving my beard before “Goodnight… later, bro”
Dimeji’s 14 Golden Rules;
1. Always let it be mutual;
2. Don’t make a move in a public place without eye contact and possibly a smile;
3. Never lie about your intentions. It’s better to be vague
4. Never be desperate for sex. You will always get it if it’s mutual;
5. A set of rules don’t always apply to every woman;
6. Never pick a woman who cannot pay her own bills;
7. You don’t own her, don’t try to possess her;
8. Always leave them wanting more;
9. Never be predictable
10. Know when to be macho, a lover, a cold metal and a manipulator of conversations; know when to be crisp and direct;
11. It’s always harder to get out than get in if she doesn’t understand the game from the start;
12. Don’t have sex with 2 women on the same day after Wednesday;
13. Always use a condom;
14. Never drop the ball; unless it’s necessary, never leave your house for a session. You can always control the game on your turf.
*The names have been changed to protect the identities of the people mentioned.