7 things you say at job interviews Vs. what you really want to say

We know there are things we wish we could say to an interviewer but we can't, here are a few of them in the funniest way we could think of:

1. Tell us about yourself

What you actually say: My name is Kunle Jacobs, a graduate of Aso University who finds excitement in hitting tasks head on. I’m a young and dynamic individual with a passion for excellence and a determination to succeed.

What you want to say: I want to start by saying I thank God for this opportunity because I’m tired of sitting at home.

My name is Wale Williams, but my friends call me Kunle Cobra, because you know what it do. I attended Aso University and studied for 4 years, plus 2 years ASUU strike.

2. What is your greatest strength?

What you actually say: I have an extremely strong work ethic. When I'm working on a project, I don't want just to meet deadlines. Rather, I prefer to complete the project well ahead of schedule.

What you want to say: First of all, my true strength is the Almighty God.

My greatest strength is how I can turn every challenge into an argument about APC and PDP.

3. What is your greatest weakness?

What you actually say: I have a little challenge when handling many tasks at once, but I’m already attending a webinar that is teaching us how to fix this and it seems to be producing results.

What you want to say: Mehn, if you give me a task to do and the deadline is in one week, I swear I’d think about it everyday, but never do it. Then I start the night before deadline morning.

And one more thing, although I don’t think its a weakness, I believe the fridge is egalitarian in nature, which is why it has only one door. That is all.

4. How did you hear about this position?

What you say: A friend of mine told me about it and said he believed I’d fit in perfectly.

What you want to say: Think of every job website there is. I’m on every one. I knew like 10 minutes after you put up the vacancy. I've been looking for job since I can remember.

5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

How you answer: I see my self becoming a force to reckon with in Sales. Hopefully, I’d assume more management responsibilities and take on more challenges to make me even better at my work.

What you want to say:

I don’t even have a full grasp of today. Like, who knows tomorrow? But if I had to say it sha, in 5 years, I want a good car, a better salary, my own house, and maybe an office better than your own sef.

6. What is your dream job?

How you answer: Based on my interests and career path, I want a job that would enable me grow at good pace. In fact, this is actually why I was excited about getting invited for this interview.

What you want to say:

Small work, plenty money. Period. Probably not this one but we have to start somewhere.

7. Why should we hire you?

How you answer: I believe I am a good fit for the job as my skill set will not only enable me learn quickly on the job, it will also take this company to even greater heights.

What you want to say: Ma, please epp me, just consider me. Consider the place I am coming from and how many hours I spent in traffic. Even the money I used to get to this place, it was someone that borrowed me.

Now tell us, what was your worst job interview experience?