How Apple's new smartphones will affect Nigerians

If you are feeling like a big boy or big babe because of your iPhone 7, please throw it in the dustbin because the iPhone 8, iPhone 8 Plus and iPhone X (pronounced as iPhone 10) is here to tension you.

As they say on the streets, "na who buy car last, na him buy the latest model." If you have eyes you will notice how some local champions on your street are no longer working with a certain bounce. This is because they have been demoted with their iPhone 6 and 7.

They will now cover their eyes in shame because of the iPhone X which is the smartphone that can do everything from achieving world peace to finding the cure for cancer.

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The iPhone is the biggest smartphone brand in the world. The unveiling of a new iPhone annually is a global event of major importance. It is unarguably one of the biggest tech events of the year.

Even here in Nigeria, it is a big event. I can bet that Computer Village was quiet as a cemetery yesterday, Tuesday, September 13, 2017, during the unveiling of the apple phones. Shout out to my Computer Village connects, they are going to have that phone the minute it drops.

ALSO READ: Funny Twitter reactions to iPhone X

With the game changing technology in the new iPhones, Nigerians will be affected too. We love iPhones in Nigeria because we love to make statements about how rich we are.

This is how the new iPhones will affect Nigerians;

1) Facial recognition

The facial recognition of the iPhone X is going to cause a lot of problems for many of our ladies. Their morning face and make up face are vastly different.

The iPhones will not know that the babe with the contours and arched eyebrows is the scattered looking woman staring at it in the morning.

For Nigerian women who like makeup and want to get the new iPhone, now is the time to be sleeping and waking up with makeup. You don't want to give the iPhone X a heart attack.

2) Tribal Marks

The facial recognition feature might not also recognize the faces of people with tribal marks. So all my people from Ibadan with huge slices on your faces, please skip this iPhone and go with lesser versions. We are begging you.

3) Status symbol

Expect iPhone X to be a status symbol. Nigerians who can afford the phone will be flaunting it everywhere, at parties, office meetings, church, burials, naming ceremonies, etc. Trust Nigerians to be extra. They are going to post a million mirror selfies showing off the iPhone X and it will tension those who can't afford it.

4) Relationship breakups

A lot of relationships will break up too. Guys who can't afford the iPhone X for their babes will get dumped quickly. We all know in Naija that babes love expensive phones especially the ones with good cameras. Any guy who is dating a babe who demands expensive stuff from him on the regular should start saving now. If he cannot afford it he should find himself a new babe. Sugar mummies should also get ready to drop the cash or else they should also be preparing to find themselves new boy toys.

5) End time preachers

Expect end-of-time preachers in Nigeria to say that the iPhone X is the coming of The Beast from the Bible. With facial recognition, you can also pay for goods and services online without clicking a button. This feature would make these preachers go to the edge and scream that the Antichrist is coming soon with his one world currency that will be implanted in your body.