I Have Never Had An Orgasm

Dear Patience,

Basically, you're on the right track with your experimenting, not overrating the matter and talking with your partner about it.

A partner can also be a bit of a nuisance - as nasty as it may sound. When you satisfy yourself, you can touch yourself just the way you want and you're alone with your thoughts. When a partner comes into play, your attention is divided and - sorry! - It doesn't work how it should, no matter how ambitious and sensitive your boyfriend may be.

The more ways you know to cum alone, the greater the chances that it will work with a partner as well. So try to be more creative, try out new ways to touch yourself and your body will learn to like it even with another person around. If you feel like experimenting with a sex toy, you can use a lay-on vibrator. It's quiet and discreet and you can stimulate yourself with that during sex as well.

As for your discussion: Tell your boyfriend that you appreciate that he cares about you but that him insisting puts you under serious pressure. And pressure is definitely counterproductive to having relaxed sex and orgasms together. It also has to do with trust; if your boyfriend accepts that you are enjoying sex even without an orgasm.

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Ndukwe, Onitsha – Nigeria

Dear Ndukwe,

It happens indeed that feelings change very quickly. Sometimes by a drastic experience like in your case, the pregnancy. More often however, the change is sudden only for one partner because he has not seen the changes and troubles of the other because of sheer happiness and being so much in love or maybe because he didn't just want to see them.

You are describing quite simply a very delicate phase in which some kind of rupture has taken place in your relationship. A lot of relationships change significantly after three months. You get used to each other and everyday life weakens the emotions you've been feeling so clearly. Without the pink glasses on, you suddenly discover a bunch of differences and problems which could cause the relationship to break.

For the moment, there's nothing you can do but accept her retreat and take some time for your self. Even if she tells you that she has had an abortion, it may be because she is still not sure and too busy with this decision to be able to work on another topic - the future of you guys as a couple.

Offer her your support but limit how much you get in contact with her. It is painful but true: the decision of an abortion is taken by her alone in your case. And until this decision is set and done, your future as a couple is simply not the priority.

Dear Fashola,

It is often at times difficult - especially for men - if they think that the new person in their life is more experienced. Comparing the amount of expertness is usually used as an indicator on the other's degree of experience. And it's not a very good indicator.

In general, it might be important to know what prior experiences one has had in order to better the sex life; But in the long run what really matters is how loving, honest and creative lovers are towards each other.

It can also be very nice if this woman can show you things and teach you something, just like you would do to her. Don't sabotage this thing with her by being afraid now. Enjoy the moments with her instead, one day at a time.

I simply hope I was able to touch the points this week. Feel free to drop us a mail on joanonsex@ringier.ng and we'll get back as soon as possible.