What The National Conference Is Missing

The National Conference that was inaugurated by President Goodluck Jonathan few weeks ago is gradually gathering momentum, what with the old bones who are the delegates taking up some silly challenges like whining over food, sleeping on duty, or like someone pointed out, dreaming about Nigeria's future, to such mundane things like how to pray, how to seat or clamoring for the government to give them more money.

Can you imagine that? They were meant to carry out a national assignment but all they care about is more money, as if the 4 million naira they would be given per month is not enough for them.

Anyway, I think most of them are on their last legs, so they are looking to amass as much money as possible.

But be that as it may, this not about what those men and women are doing negatively, but about what is missing at the conference, which would have put light into the conference.

In the first place, those that nominated the delegates did a very shoddy job by not selecting some groups for the conference.

Just imagine what would happened if these groups had representations:

National Association of Nigeria Prostitutes and Allied Services: (NANPAS) Though they are yet to be registered, they are the umbrella body of all the ashewos in Nigeria and true to God, they would have been able to bring sanity into the conference as well resurrect the dead bones whose stock in trade is just to sleep and fight over food.

All Area Boys Organization of Nigeria: (AABON) AABON would have beaten the living daylights out of all those old cargoes who refuse to stay back at home. Imagine the boys breaking bottles at every opportunity, threatening to stab anyone that sleeps off. That would have been serious shewere.

Nigerian Conductors' Association: (NCA) I do not know why the selectors of the delegates refused to nominate representatives of the NCA for the conference instead of selecting some expired folks whose pattern of thinking dates back to the 1930s. The NCA members would have introduced some jargons like paaro lo, farabale, wazo, shandy, kala, etc, into Nigeria's constitution.

National Association of Nigerian Witches and Wizards:(NANWW) Of all groups to be so ignored, that of the NANWW is so disappointing and annoying. How on earth did anyone leave out the group? I wish they were in attendance, they would have flogged the delegates into line and they would have settled down to work instead of engaging precious time debating rubbish.

(In My Head is a crazy creation of the writer and everything goes on in his head. Believe him, you will believe anything)

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