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Humour Letter Writers Association Of Nigeria

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I am very angry at the moment. I know I should not be angry so early in the year but when some people deliberately step on your toes, what do you do? You should be able to vent your spleen on them and let them know how you feel.

For now, I am not a happy man at all and the reason for my angst is not far-fetched. I am directing my annoyance at some people who have turned letter writing into an art in the country without recognizing official ‘Letter Writers’ like me and some of my colleagues.

We are in the business of writing letters to make a living but they are out there bastardizing our jobs, making us redundant and jobless. No, I am not talking about those ‘Yahoo Boys’ who churn out scam letters by the hundreds hoping to catch some greedy ‘magas’ who will fall into their dubious traps. I am talking about official political letter writers who have made our jobs difficult.

No one cares that we exist any longer since former President Olusegun Obasanjo sat down and worded an 18 page letter to President Goodluck Jonathan. Imagine Baba sitting down and crafting so long a letter when my colleagues and I are there to take up the job.

Then to compound the issues, his own daughter, Senator Iyabo Obasanjo came out the following day with her own letter to her father, dribbling of family bile and the cries of an abandoned child. In most of her letter, I could not help laugh at her display of childishness, her desire to be loved by her father and the need to be accepted.

Then President Jonathan, in his usual slow and steady way, took his time and just like he promised, he fired back. Like a friend said, he must have read OBJ’s letter more than a hundred times to be able to comprehend some stern military language the Balogun of Owu must have used on him.  

But then, she also took the shine off professional letter writers like us. Then next to follow was that war monger, Alhaji Mujahid Asari Dokubo, writing a letter to OBJ. What in the devil’s dark stomach did he want to achieve in writing such a letter, if not to show that his pot of soup is being threatened.

I read his letter and boy, I laughed so much I almost threw up. Imagine Asari Dokubo, also sitting down, maybe in Benin Republic or his Port Harcourt mansion and carving out a letter of that length. But then, he was also depriving us of our daily bread.

To cap the emergency letter writers union, Chief Edwin Clark, the Ijaw chieftain and member of Any Government in Power, (AGIP), also poured out his vent on Obasanjo. My first thought was; why would an old man like that pen such blatant diatribe to our former head of state? Does he know who OBJ is and what he can do?

I am waiting for the next political tout to bring out another letter and then I will head for the courts. You cannot just come into our private business and take over.

Enough is enough!

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