A question on Twitter has helped to start a discussion that men can get sexually harassed too.
Thanks to AY's awful joke about the Kemen & Tboss, these three topics are burning up your curated Twitter timeline. So let's talk about it.
It's getting pretty clear that you need consent before you can touch a woman in a sexual manner. Anybody that does not know this, is a rapist in waiting. However let's imagine this, what if the tables are turned, do women pounce on men thinking they are always ready for a night of hot steamy sex?
Twitter user @Akintonmide asked a pertinent question yesterday, Tuesday, April 18, 2017. "Dear Ladies, how do you initiate sex? Especially with someone who is not your boyfriend?"
This question created a storm. The replies from the ladies were startling. If the tables were turned, these answers would have been sexual assault or sexual harassment. In one of the replies, a lady said "Tell him you have no panties on. Sit on the table facing him, slowly raising your skirt while maintaining eye contact to give him a good view."
This would be so wrong if it wasn't humorous. Can you imagine a man doing this to a woman who is not his girlfriend? Best case scenario he would be called a pervert, a sexual outcast for his brazen act. Women, however, get a pass when they do things like these. Why is this so?
Women widely believe that men are sex zombies, just show them a bit of flesh and they lose their minds. They believe that men are ready to have sex on the go. It is also believed that men have no taste when it comes to women and will sleep with anything that has a skirt.
Sorry to burst your bubble. It's not every time a man wants to get with you under the covers. Sometimes we are not in the mood to have sex. Another truth is that the guy who you are stroking his thighs is not that into you.
Women should approach sex like bold men do, ask straight up. This creates a scenario for consent to come up. If he doesn't want to have sex, it's a straight up no. Most men are irritated when a woman they don't fancy can't keep her hands to herself. Laying your hands on a man or exposing yourself to a man who doesn't fancy you is sexual harassment.
Why don't men say anything? It's just like most things about men. We have been trained not to talk about some things or complain. We might roll our eyes or sigh when a babe we don't fancy calls us but it will be rare if we make a Twitter thread about it and complain about the lack of consent.
This thing is more than words. Pulse Gist published a survey and asked men to answer questions about consent, sexual harassment and assault from women.
52.4% of the men who took the survey said they have been sexually harassed by a woman before. 66.7% says they have touched in a sexual manner by women who never asked for their consent.
How do they feel when they get unwanted sexual advances from women? 20% said they were angry, 20% were happy, another 15% said they were sad and 45% were indifferent.
57.1% confessed that they felt pressurised to have sex with women who sexually harass them and 57.1% said they rarely have sex with this women.
And how do women handle rejection? 47.6% of the guys say women who approach them for sex become scornful when they turn them down.
On the flip side, 16.7% who took the survey said they have made sexual advances towards men without their consent. 33.3% admitted they have pressurised a man into having sex. 50% also said that they felt guilty when they had sex with a man who didn't give them consent.
Men lie and women lie but numbers don't.
We are all byproducts of our society. Women are not straight about sex because they feel they will be judged. It has been drilled into their heads that only sluts behave like this. And this is why we are here. Women are confused about how to initiate sex.
What this teaches us is that consent should not be a gender war. It should be an honest and open discussion between both sexes. That's the only way we can move forward on this topic.