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Chronicles Of A Lagos Ajebutter Lagos Island Girls Love Like American Movies

I am an Ajebutter. Not by birth, or by formings, or by swag – I am simply an unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn’t choose to be born one. God, without seeking my opinion (because He’s God, I guess), gave me the genes of an Ajebutter and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck or some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma (I might have killed ten defenseless puppies in my past life) or destiny, I have found myself in Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is my story…

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Joey Akan, Joey’s Chronicles Of A Lagos Ajebutter, Pulse.ng play Joey Akan, Joey’s Chronicles Of A Lagos Ajebutter, Pulse.ng (Pulse)

Since I said goodbye to the Lagos mainland, crossed the third mainland bridge for good, and settled comfortably in the Island, Ajah, my love life has never been the same.

Life has new meaning for me, and so does love. I was born a romantic, grew up a romantic, and thought I'll leave this earth as a romantic. But since I moved to Lagos, I've seen ladies in Surulere, Yaba, Mushin, Sango, Egbeda and Ikeja disgustingly chew up and spit out my scented love letters and poems, burn up all the little red roses I have spent hard-earned money on, and even found a way to tell me that “romance was is for Oyibo, show me the money jare.”

How depressing.

But now I'm on the Island, and tush people are everywhere, my inner playboy has been unleashed, and with good effects too. Women here are content to hold your hand and walk in the evenings, sharing your space, talk and silence. Sure they love their recharge cards, perfumes and outings, but since they have you, all the material things of the world just seems so immaterial.

I once met a lady on the Island who looked into my eyes for 5 minutes, laughed hard at all my jokes, touched my elbow occasionally, and finally told me that I made her feel special again. On the mainland, women only feel ever so special when my wallet begins to show itself frequently. The last time a lady on the mainland told me how special I made her feel, she was busy battling with 6 shopping bags filled with various stuff. Stuff that I paid for, off course!

So why the difference? Aren't women believed to have a universal language as all the deep books about love has revealed? Why does money turns the mainland girls on, and the Island girls drool on your repertoire of gentleman skills?

I think the answer isn't hard to find. The mainland girls watch Nollywood movies, where a fat and motherly Mercy Johnson will play the character of a teenage lover girl, and try to play a fast one on a portly Jim Iyke. The Island girls watch the emotional gems that Hollywood release into the cinemas. They see a man love a woman with his entire being, and his greatest act of sacrifice is to lay down his life or offer a great personal sacrifice to give her an advantage in life. That's the difference!

Also the Island ladies listen to famous contemporary love singers. Bruno Mars, Adam Levine, Sam Smith, John Legend, Jason Derulo, Trey Song and Ed Sheeran. The mainland women love Olamide, Reminisce, and Wizkid's version of love and passion. Except the 'Aye' song. They want their designer wears, although they can afford to wait a bit for the Ferrari.

These things matter. Ajebutters are seen as rich people. No lady ever believes that a Brimerican-sounding Joey Akan, does not in any point in time have 2 dimes to rub together in his pocket. They think the money is in the freshness, and packaging. But the reality of it is far from the surface.

I admit there have been days when drinking Garri has been very attractive, and groundnut has tasted like pizza, but on the Island, those days will not seem so bad, because a Lagos Island girl will be ready to drink that garri with you.

Just like in the American movies.

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