The world is celebrating children for all the cute things.

Wouldn't it be nice to just chip in a few things of what it was like growing up in Nigeria? Especially those terrifying things?

This wahala is about to start in the house.

1. When your mother calls your full name.

Oh Lord!

2. When your mum would normally speak English but she switches to your local language.

Local language. Local violence.

3. When your father greets you welcome with a glowing smile.

Welcome my son. Come and suffer.

4. When your father just got back from work and he starts looking for his belt.


5. When your teacher is complaining about your unseriousness but your mum is just looking very calm.

When we get home, we shall see.

6. When your mother goes to bed early after you’ve offended her.

See you in the midnight when I come to wake you up with belt.

7. When they start to ask you impossible questions that don't have answers.

Did you chop shit?

8. When you're being foolish in front of a visitor.

Better follow them when they are leaving.

9. When you and your mum are joking and she just smiles at you and says “You’ve grown wings abi?”

Izz like you don’t know your mate again.

10. In the middle of Afmag Yoruba, she suddenly mutes the TV and remembers one mistake you made 2 years ago.

Oya, tell me what you did. I’m listening.

11. When your parents are arguing and you suddenly hear them screaming your name.

When the elephants fight.

12. When your mother used her last money to cook soup and the morning after, it is already sour.

Mummy its nor me.

13. When your dad says “Tell me the truth, I won’t beat you.”

Say the truth and it shall fuck you up.