What if a Nigerian comedian hosted a movie award ceremony?

Chris Rock got mainly positive reviews from the media and the entertainment scenes. Bringing it down to Nigeria, imagine if one of our top comedians hosted and delivered the opening monologue of a big movie awards ceremony lets say the AMVCA. How would he go about it? What will he say?

Today, March 2, 2015, I use my very active imagination to write an opening monologue that only a Nigerian comedian can deliver.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for making it here. We are sorry for starting a bit late it was due to circumstances beyond our control like PHCN wey no give us light and no diesel to put in the big gen. We are presently using the small generator after queuing for fuel for the past three days.

The reason why the hall is dark and there is only one light on the stage is because the small generator cannot carry all the lights in the hall. So don't think it is concept or a brilliant idea. Na condition cause am. Anyway moving on, this award ceremony promises to be smoking hot.

As you know when the nominees list for this award came out, Yoruba actors and Hausa actors protested. They were angry and mad that only Igbo actors were nominated. They were pissed because they were neglected. I can understand the plight of Yoruba actors. I mean they have good movies let's be frank. So after talking to the organizers of this award it has been agreed that new categories will be created specifically for Yoruba actors. The categories are "Best Actor/Actress with H-factor", and "Best Bleaching Actress." You and I will both agree that Yoruba movie stars are the best when it comes to these two categories.

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On a serious note though, I don't know why Hausa actors are protesting also. I don't get why they are carrying placards. Mallams no dey protest. I mean they have a better way to gain people's attention. (Coughs), no be for North Boko (coughs) Haram (coughs) dey? Don't misquote me o. I am not saying they should carry bombs. I just wan give them idea. Make dem Sani Danja just throw three sound banger for the office of this awards organizing committee for two days. Trust me real change go happen. All the abokis will be nominated in all the categories.

Speaking of change you can see how things are changing in Nigeria. The price of the US dollar has gone up, and light wey we dey manage see before no dey again at all, at all. Yes change is here. The sad thing about this change is that it hasn't affected Nollywood. Please after all these years tell me how Emeka Ike will be acting as an undergraduate and Eucharia Anunobi will be acting as an NYSC corps member? Haba! Nollywood should take things easy with these lies. It is high time change comes to Nollywood.

One thing I like about Nollywood is that it is not a sexist institution. Yes you heard me right our great Nollywood is pro-feminism. You too check it out. Every week an actress is buying a new jeep or moving into a new house while the male actors are poor. Hunger dey catch them. Nollywood is the only movie industry in the world where actresses are paid more than actors. OC Ukeje cannot afford some of these cars that these babes are cruising around town. It's just the fact. What I like about these very rich actresses is that they don't act in too many movies. They act in films only them and their Alhajis and chairmen go dey watch onto some late night things. Their movies are not mainstream. They don't do all that movie premiere thing, it is too mainstream. Their movies are shown in private screenings, emphasis on private and not pubic sorry I mean public. (laughs) Abeg I no talk say dem be runs girl o.

Anyway it's time we start the show. Ladies and gentlemen the first award category will be presented by Nigeria's biggest actress if you look at her chest very well, Cossy Orjiakor."

When Chris Rock was hosting The Oscars he took some time out to .