Nigeria Should Hire This Guy To #BringBackOurGirls, Arrest Shekau

Hello there, I just thought I should let you guys know about me, that is if you don't already know about me.

Before you read this CV, I want you to cast and bind every spirit of 'Doubting Thomas' that may be inside you. Deal?

Here we go...

REAL NAME:Obasanjo Buhari Jonathan

NICKNAME: OBJ

HOBBIES:

Collecting teeth from live lions

Catching bullets with bare hands

Jogging up and down mountain Everest.

PERSONAL RECORDS:

I fought with a dinosaur and broke its neck and used its teeth to skin a live crocodile.

I held my breathe under water for 2months, 3weeks, 6hours, 5mins and 45 seconds.....

I Jogged round the world in a day

I survived two suicide bomb attacks.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS:

I went to Mars to charge my phone.

I can speak 10,598 languages.

I beat Jet Li, Muhammad Ali and John Cena on the same day.

I am the first human to land on the sun without sweating.

I sat down on a bomb to stop it from exploding.

I became a president without having a shoe.

SILLIEST THINGS I'VE DONE:

I pushed a trailer into the gutter because they parked it near my house.

I swallowed a grenade by mistake.

EMBARRASSING MOMENT:

I failed to kill 100 gorrilas with one punch. However, 99 died instantly and the last one is now crippled.

PROUDEST MOMENTS:

Firstly, when a cobra died after biting me and secondly, when I roasted a dragon at my backyard with a lighter.

SOMETHING ABOUT ME:

I really don't like bragging.

I hate liars.

Anyway, I was just joking. My name is Samson and I can’t even kill a roach not to talk of swallowing a grenade. You can find another person to help Us catch Shekau and Bring Back Our Girls!

Nigeria Should Hire This Guy To #BringBackOurGirls, Arrest Shekau

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