Please Give Us Toilets Uncle Fashola

A young Lasgidi dude was nabbed by Kick Against Indiscipline, KAI, officials while discharging the contents of his bladder near the popular Law School bus stop at Victoria Island, Lagos, today.

The man was busy urinating against the fence when two burly men closed in on him, terminating his illegal discharge with shouts of "Hey, you" before grabbing his loose pants.

They were carrying out the orders of Governor Babatunde Fashola of Lagos State who earlier this year mandated officers of the KAI force arrest anyone found urinating and defecating in public places .

“This is a violation of our sanitation law and I will ask KAI to move out en-masse and prosecute those who violate our laws,” an angry Uncle Fash had said then.

I did not wait to see what happened next to our urinating brother because the bus I was in left the bus stop but a debate ensued between myself and a fellow passenger, Timothy, who sounded very angry.

"I wonder how you will arrest people for urinating in corners and the streets when you provide no alternative?" Timothy shouted.

I nodded in agreement.

"It seems all they want to do is trap people. Otherwise, why would they place people around just to catch urinating folks?"

Any sane man would see wisdom in Timothy's argument. I don’t know if I am sane but I do see sense in it.

See, oga KAI, abeg leave me alone

na piss I wan piss, wetin be una own

shebi una wan make I piss for bodi

abi na because I be odinari nobodi?

So, Uncle Fash, I have a proposal for you which will help us kill three birds with one stone in Lagos.

How? It’s simple. Provide modern mobile toilets at every bus stop in Lagos, employ people to take care of them – attendants, and charge anyone who wants to use the toilets would be required to pay a token, say, N50, from which the salaries of the attendants should be paid.

This will provide employment, help the citizens and reduce the odour in Lagos, which indiscriminate defecation and urinating contributes to.

It is not in doubt that there is a ready customer base for this service because every day I see people relieving themselves at bus stops, corners and just about everywhere – in full public view.

Like you said earlier this year, “The biggest doctor you can have is prevention. If we all can imbibe better habits, it will reduce the incidence of ill-health. Citizens must be ready to take responsibility for their own healthcare to live a healthy life, if we chose to be cleaner than we are now, we would have a healthy environment than we have right now.”

But the truth is that, if there were toilet around, people would prefer to part with some chicken change than have to display their buttocks to public view.

Again, if toilets are provided, then there would be justification for arresting and punishing offenders, just like you did with the fantastic pedestrian bridges which outlawed running across the roads.

So Uncle Fash, I know you are doing a fine job with our Lasgidi, but please give us public toilets before asking KAI to arrest us.