4 Steps to consider before Marriage

The act of marriage is an important part of the Muslim religion, and finding the right soul mate is necessary for any Muslim man or Muslim woman


The act of marriage is an important part of the Muslim religion, and finding the right soul mate is necessary for any Muslim man or Muslim woman. Marriage is held in very high regard in the Muslim culture and it is not something to be taken lightly.

Finding the right man or woman to spend the rest of your life with is the most important thing you can do as evident in this verse "Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity " (Quran 24:26)

Marriage remains a powerful institution in Islam, Those who follow the Qur’an faithfully and obey Islamic law know precisely why it is very important to select a very good spouse as a bad spouse can not only ruin a family but can ruin a generation or the society in General.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and of course family involvement.

In this vein, here are 4 steps we should take before considering marriage

1. Educate Yourself

  • Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse, what is permissible to do and what is impermissible
  • Research what type of meaningful questions to ask
  • Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other (as husband/wife)
  • Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the Seerah)
  • Pay the Islamic Bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life

2. Decide On Desired Characteristics

  • Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have; keep in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be for we are reminded in many ahadith that what we perceive as a disliked quality may be good for us
  • Recognize traits or values that he/she must have and also areas that you are willing to compromise, no one is perfect!
  • Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self, what qualities do you have to offer?

3. Consider a Potential Spouse

  • Consult trusted friends, family, the local mosque for help
  • Hold meetings in the presence of a wali (guardian)
  • Ensure you or your family speak to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person
  • Reflect upon his/her character traits, values, expectations, goals/dreams, and your compatibility in this respect

4. Pray Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)

  • Pray Istikhara for counsel, guidance and make du’a
  • Consult family and friends and take good advice
  • Seek your parents approval and blessing, a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision

Finally, having come this long way (!) – Place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision, and inshaAllah it will be the start of a productive chapter of your lives.


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