"Why the hell doesn't he call?!"

coco olorunfemi

September 8, 2015 5:33 PM

This is an exclusive blog post by female Nigerian relationship coach, Emife. "...At this stage, a lot of women start to panic and end up getting their wrappers in a bunch over something that is not nearly as serious as we make it..."

Black woman thinking

Hi ladies,

Today we talk about one of the major things that drives us ladies up the wall... why doesn't he call?! Why didn't he call yesterday? Did he not miss me? Why didn't he call today? Why hasn't he called in the last hour? What could he possibly be doing that is more important than me?! Does he not love me anymore?

Ladies chill. Honestly, seat down, cross your legs, concentrate on your heart beat and breathe calmly. It really is not that deep! So basically, I will start by making you understand that contrary to popular belief (every girlfriend you have ever had), guys are wired very differently from us. The things that mean a lot to us, may not be as serious to them as it is to us.

Everyone who has ever been liked by a guy knows that he calls almost every other minute and it is thrilling in the first few weeks. However as things begin to progress, he may appear to start to slack a little since he may not call as often as he used to. At this stage, a lot of women start to panic and end up getting their wrappers in a bunch over something that is not nearly as serious as we make it. I'm going to be gracious and tell you what is actually happening.

Ready? Here it is.

HE IS BUSY. Simple.

Sir, you say?! He is busy? Yes, he is. He is just busy is all. Don't get me wrong there are douche bags out there who get on with a lot of ridiculousness and stuff. Those guys will have their day in court. This post, however is advocating for the guys who are actually genuine but busy. The truth is men and women are wired differently and as such handle multitasking very differently. Women are all for multitasking. We want to talk on the phone, stir the soup, watch the telenovela episode and still make a mental list of outfit choices the next day at the exact same time and most times, we succeed at it.

Men, on the other hand, are not as great with multitasking. Men are wired to handle specific issues at a given time. Because they are such big problem solvers, they take each circumstance headlong, tackle it and then move on to the next! So when he hasn't called you, it is not because he doesn't care or is just being a forgetful joe. He simply is busy handling something that is very important TO him at the time.

"Oh so I'm not important?!" Of course you are but trust me, you do not want a guy that is all about you and you ONLY... A guy who has no business to take care of, he has no interesting activities, all he does is call you day and night. No, that kind of guy will start to piss you off before the week is up. So be thankful for a guy who actually has a life outside you.

So what should you do when he doesn't call and it hurts? Carry on without any resentment. Yes, you heard me. The next time he actually remembers, enjoy the conversation and let him feel how much you actually enjoy talking to him. At some point in his head, he will start to see it as more of an enjoyable activity as opposed to seeing it like a chore. That way he will be ENCOURAGED to call some more.

Love always,

Emife is a relationship coach who loves to give priceless and undiluted relationship advice. she was not made by adding sugar and spices in a bowl so she speaks the truth with no coatings. she tries her best to be as nice as possible when necessary but then she will smack you back to reality when you need it.

coco olorunfemi