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“I’m Charged Up!!”

This is an exclusive blog post by Petroleum Industry Professional, Datare Porbeni. "..I did just that and there it was, Tesla P85D with ludicrous speed upgrade posting 0-60MPH time of 2.8 seconds..."

Tesla Model P85D

No this isn’t an article about the recent Hip-Hop ‘beef’ between Drake and Meek Mill… That might come later. I put the word BEEF in inverted commas because I use the term loosely. It was more of a beating, a massacre, a decimation…. Drake is a bully. He wasn’t messing around when he said ‘I Do Right And Kill Everything’ He really does. Meek Mill’s Career now hangs in Drake’s trophy room as one of his conquests. Anyway, that’s not what we’re here for. It’s this:

Recently a few of us were talking when a friend asked if anyone had test driven the Tesla Model S. He claimed the car went from 0-60MPH in 2.8 seconds. Now this might not mean anything to most people but as a confirmed ‘Car Guy’ I had to hit him with The Rock’s raised eyebrow.

2.8 seconds? Really? On a Tesla SEDAN C’mon son. That’s better than a Pagani Huayra and equal to the McLaren P1 and we know those are the big guns in the Hypercar segment. You’re telling me a Tesla will do that? Stop it!! So he told me to do what we all should do when there’s an argument about anything… GOOGLE. I did just that and there it was, Tesla P85D with ludicrous speed upgrade posting 0-60MPH time of 2.8 seconds. GAHDDEM!! That’s enough acceleration to give a priest an erection.

For those who don’t understand what the fuss is about let me explain it like this. Imagine you’re cruising at 62MPH in your Rari or Lambo (I know any car can hit 62MPH but if you’re fantasising you might as well be in a beast) and you drive past this Tesla at standstill… If you maintain your speed, it will take the driver less than 3 seconds to catch up with you. FROM STANDSTILL. IN A CAR THAT SITS 4 PEOPLE COMFORTABLY. FADDALUHDD!!

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This is all due to the fact that the car is electric so it delivers instant torque to the wheels and with the ‘ludicrous speed’ upgrade the company is blowing away critics and competitors. The problem is, they haven’t stopped there. Below is a quote taken directly from The CEO Elon Musk’s blog post says:

‘There is of course one speed faster than ludicrous, but that is reserved for the next generation Roadster in 4 years: maximum plaid.’

Ok so let me get this straight. They’re planning to make something even faster than this… and it’ll be a convertible. Mr P1 and Herr 918 Spyder should thank their lucky stars the car won’t be on the market for another 4 years. The good thing for the rest of us is that with the adoption of these new technologies, speed and performance are being made more accessible. Call it wishful thinking but I see the day where there are production cars doing sub 3 second times at Toyota / Honda prices.

Datare aka NOVUSTAR

Shifting Gears!!

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P.S – we have to mention the centre console. It is literally ONE MASSIVE COMPUTER SCREEN. These guys know their audience.

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