Heartache and what to do in the meantime

Be it over a breakup, betrayal, loss of a loved one or some experience that has left us broken, we have all had a bitter taste of despair and dread. It’s the kind of pain that literally has the power to halt your life and a pain that you can physically feel.

The first time I actually felt physical pain in my heart, was during a break-up of a long-term relationship. I remember being rather surprised, whilst in the middle of my tears, that heartbreak could actually have physical symptoms.

Have you ever cried and felt the muscles of your throat tighten so much and ache as if your soul was trying to scream but could not fully articulate all that pain it was experiencing? How about those tears that just fall without you even realizing that your eyes were filled with water?

Heartache is the worst feeling anyone could ever experience. I dreaded waking up during those trying times because I was scared to face the pain all over again. With sleep, there was temporary relief, where I was completely removed from whatever it was that troubled me. No wonder that one of the common symptoms of depression is the need to sleep all the time. It’s the body’s way of trying to get you to escape from it all.

In moments of darkness, you cling to the tiniest bit of hope but somehow you find, that you just can’t seem to stay hanging on. Even with the bravest of faces you put on, whilst in public, your eyes cannot hide the sorrow and your smile cannot withstand the quiver that comes from feeling tearful. Yes, I know. I know it all too well.

But how does one overcome this time of darkness, this time of desperation? Well, unfortunately, I cannot say that there is one magical word or event that will take it all away. Neither do I think, simply stating that ‘time heals’, is a satisfactory answer. Whilst time is the crux of the truth of the matter, it would be more beneficial to know what to do, during that waiting period.

One of the first things I remember doing when the heartache got so unbearable, was to listen to music. Uplifting and inspiring music that was good for the soul. I literally had music all throughout the day and throughout the night. The only time I didn’t have music on was whilst in lectures. You see, music has a way of transporting you into another realm of emotions- good or bad. When you listen to music that has lyrics of healing, strength, and empowerment, combined with a rhythm and beat that gets your heart’s attention, you can’t but be moved by it.

Another thing to do whilst going through a hard time is to determine that you will come out of it. You cannot change your circumstances without having a determination to want to come out from where you are. Now, this sounds great as written words, but I know that in real life it is just not that easy, especially when you are feeling like there is no future. So what do you do?

Well, the next best thing I did when going through all this was, to immerse myself in self-development and personal growth. I needed to learn about myself and about how to become a better and stronger person.

Listen, heartache can be a fantastic opportunity for you to go deep into yourself, and to learn about you and about how you can turn your ‘mess’ into a message. It’s like the diamond in the mud analogy. When you first pick a diamond out of its surroundings, you wouldn’t know just how much sparkle it has until you start to clean off the dirt and start polishing it.

This is what self-development does for you. It meets you where you are, and with each book you read, with each program you attend and with each application of the lessons you learn and absorb, you become refined, you begin to understand yourself, your mistakes and your reasons for those mistakes.

With this new enlightenment, you start becoming an empowered individual to set boundaries that you didn’t have before, to make decisions that are better serving to you and to face your fears with boldness, because you know who you are and what you are capable of. Heartache can really be a blessing in disguise if you allow yourself to see what those trials are trying to teach you.

The last thing I want to suggest to you is that you should surround yourself with positive people and positive activities, that will help you take the edge off the misery and at the same time, will start to give you a new lease of life. I joined various social groups like the gym, book clubs and just started going out more.

Sometimes I went out alone, but it was to places where I had opportunities to meet new people or places where I knew I would enjoy and where there would be a positive vibe of other people around. We as humans were not designed to live life in isolation and the reason is because there is something that is healing and warming about being around good people.

So, let me encourage you as I wrap this up, we are all products of some form of pain, but if you are still standing, it means there is a whole load of strength within you, for you to overcome where you are at now. Life really is much brighter than you think.

Have you been or are going through heartache? Do you have other suggestions that have worked for you? Then why not comment below?

And until next time, continue to push through, because you will make it!

I am Banke Adelano, a woman on a journey of discovery. Discovery of purpose, self-mastery and all the other great things life has to offer! My desire is to share those discoveries, to inspire, encourage and support others who are also searching. For more about me, visit-