Domestic Violence

From this definition, therefore, violence and aggression towards the children in the home is a form of DV. Although there is a stereotype of DV being against women, there appears to be a considerable percentage of abused husbands, although scarcely reported.

DV includes physical violence, sexual violence, emotional abuse and psychological violence. The victim experiences damage, within and without.

Veronica had it all, beauty, brains and “benjamins”. And why not; She was the head of her department in an oil company, a first Class student of Mechanical Engineering from a high league school in the United Kingdom. She was raised in a middle class home; her parents were not extremely wealthy but comfortable, very comfortable, if I might add.

Veronica had been an A student from her early years. She adopted a reading style that was basically peculiar to her and yielded outstanding results right through her school years. Her love for science and her books did not afford her many friends, but she was loyal and caring to the few that she had.

Veronica met Chudi in the university. He was her first boyfriend and her “first” in almost everything. He showered her with so much care and attention that when he finally popped the question…the reply of course was a resounding “yes”!

I know that people always say that the signs are there during courtship, there were no signs at all , here. He was quiet and gentle, an accounting student who had working experience in some accounting firms in London.

When they returned to Nigeria, they both had lucrative offers, which they took immediately.

Things could definitely not be any better for Veronica and Chudi , or could they ? After 5 years of “waiting”, they were blessed with a set of twins. Not long after that, Veronica said she began to notice that Chudi snapped more often than usual.. No matter how hard she tried, food was not on time, was too salty or not salty enough. He complained about everything… then he started getting angry … one day He got too angry and punched her in the face, she lost a tooth and went around with dark glasses for a few days. Of course he apologized… and cried hard as he repented …hmmm..

My father has five daughters and he told us that if a man has the guts to raise his hands and beat his wife, chances are that he will do it again…and again!

Anyway, so that was the beginning of years of DV.. Later on, Chudi did not even care, in front of the children, neighbors, community …Veronica had become his punching bag…she was a regular visitor at the doctors surgery with the same excuses, “ I fell off the Okada”, “ I ran into a wall, twas dark, I couldn’t see”; meanwhile, the hospital, community, school and church sef, knew.

Veronica didn’t know that; she was trying so hard to cover the “sins” of her husband, who had already “danced naked in the market square”. She was not even thinking about the frame of mind of the twins and how this violent environment will affect them. She had tried to cry out to her Mother –in-law, who told her that his father was violent too! Since then she cries “in”. Imagine that! So we should “keep it in the family, abi?.

According to statistics and as documented by the National Population Commission, Nigeria (2009), Nigeria has one of the highest rates of DV in Africa. It is said that at least two-thirds of Nigerian women have experienced some form of abuse, whether physical or psychological, in the hands of their husbands.

There are reports that claim that there are certain parts of our constitution that allows domestic violence? I won’t be surprised, after all, there is a part of the Yorùbá history which says when the new bride or “iyawo” is moving to her husband’s house, her family will give her cane to give the husband, so that he can beat her as and when due! Na wa!

Where am I going with this? There are many Veronicas out there. I don’t want to believe they are contented with the violent environment that they are in, but they probably can’t find help. They are crying out but no one hears. Veronica is still with Chudi…if you are “ a veronica” and reading this, we hear your cry, help is here…if you live in lagos , 112 is the emergency line to report DV and other violent cases. Lagos state domestic and sexual violence response team (DSVT) info@dsvrtlagos.org or 08137960048.

Save your children, save your violent spouse, save yourself, cry out until someone hears and help comes.

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