Human relationships and apologies

NO ONE IS INFALLIBLE

Human relationships (be it familial, filial, congenial, romantic or professional) is an interesting albeit complex phenomenon – a fascinating case for social dynamics. Inherent in them are contradictory aspects fighting supremacy battle against one another. Just as some parts struggle to keep the bond of a relationship, other parts ensure that they leave it fragmented.

For instance, while traits like love, mutual understanding/respect, and empathy tend to foster cordial relationships, idiosyncrasies such as attitudinal problems, unwholesome behavioural patterns and a sense of distrust tend to breathe friction. According to Kienzle and Dare, each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.

MISTAKES

One of those things that projects the imperfection in humans and hamper cordial relationships is mistakes, i.e. incorrect, unwise act or decision due to bad judgement or a lack of information or care. You’ll often hear our elders tell us that “no matter how hard a man tries, whenever he walks, he can’t help his head from shaking now and then”.

Imagine that the world is a big school and everyone in it are pupils. Mistakes then will be likened to backpacks – every pupil straps his own. We all make our share of mistakes – some trivial and others grievous. Mistakes are often not premeditated. Rather, they are mostly products of bad judgements calls.

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Human interactions have never been a perfect one; it demands that we step on one another’s toes now and then. After all, even the teeth and the tongue do have issues occasionally. Since we are not all wired the same way, we are bound to speak, act or behave in a manner that will displease the other.

For instance, the father who has had a hectic day at work screams at his poor little girl who asks him a harmless question…the immediate boss at work reprimands his subordinate for a wrong he didn’t commit…the fiancée vents an anger caused by someone else on her fiancé…and the scenarios are endless. However, here is good news: a wrong can always be overlooked/forgiven when the wrongdoer makes proper amend.

THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR REDRESS

Consider mistakes and redress from the point-of-view of the makers of the typical pencil – the makers consider it wise to fit them with erasers. They must have acknowledged that in the course of using it for writing/drawing etc. errors/mistakes are bound to occur.

Hence, the handy and readily available material used to clean them off. Such forward-thinking perspective concerning mundane things can also come to bear on the world of relationship, especially when it comes to tackling wrongs done to a person.

Except for some extreme cases, we have the capacity to re-write any wrong/mistake. Interestingly, no antidote to wrongs does a better job than admittance to wrongdoing and a sincere apology.

THE WEIGHT OF AN APOLOGY

A wise man once said “it takes a big man to admit when he is wrong and even a bigger man to admit that another is right”. An apology is a statement expressing remorse for an action. To apologise is to acknowledge a wrongdoing or to take responsibility for a wrong done to another. Rendering an apology is a face-saving act. In every ideal individual is a sense of self-esteem or dignity that he tries to protect.

When he is wronged, there is a threat to that sense which makes him feel hurt. However, such threat is mitigated when genuine apologetic statements are offered. Interestingly, a genuine apology is backed with the preparedness to do what is right in future. While some interesting folk will view apologies as a sign of weakness, every right-thinking individual understands its potency.

To apologise is to say sorry, i.e. express regret for an action that has upset somebody. Most times, an apology goes with the utterance of three simple yet powerful words “I am sorry”. Many relationships have been strengthened because the offending party apologised as at when due and the right way while others have been severed because particular parties involved found it difficult to apologise or made matters worse because of the manner in which they apologised.

WHEN YOU APOLOGISE…

When a fellow apologises, he is taking responsibility for a fault and expressing his regrets. It’s therefore counteracting when certain speech and attitudinal factors betray the genuineness of an apology rendered. For instance, what’s the good in an apology rendered with an irritating/angry tone or with voice raised? No wonder J.A. Holmes opines that 90% of the friction of daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice.

What’s more, there is no point apologising for an action one will keep repeating. A sincere apology will imply shying away from whatever upsets another. For example, if I apologise to you after saying something rude to you, my apologies should also imply that I won’t say such rude words to you going forward.

Human relationships can be likened to a tender flower. For it not to wither, it has to be nurtured. Although a basis for relationships, mutual affection has to be sustained. Consequently, sustainability is a function of having the right set of attitudes. One of those attitudes is the ability to render a sincere apology as at when due and ensure that the mistake for which one apologises doesn’t keep repeating itself.

Written by Ayansola Ibukun Ademola

Ayansola Ibukun Ademola is a graduate of English. Among other things, he is a freelance writer, editor and proofreader. You may reach him via