- What if you could see a heartbreak coming? What if you could avoid getting hurt because you knew the exact signs to look out?
- These are exactly what red flags all about. They are those signs you see in a potential partner that let you know they are not right for you and that you are heading for some rough waters if you decide to be with them.
- Below are the biggest red flags to watch out for on a first date.
Red flags vary. For one person, its being self absorbed for another, it is being rude and impatient to waiters.
We have put together a list of the biggest five red flags that can prevent you from securing your happiness before a relationship even starts. They are:
- Brings up an ex
It is a huge red flag when you are on your first date and he/she brings up an ex. It is a clear sign that they still have unresolved feelings (baggage) about that ex. It also means they are not ready to move on and be in a new relationship. It is an even bigger red flag when your date brings up your date and goes on to criticise them. Save yourself a lot of heartaches and run!
According to Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach, “If your partner talks badly about all of their exes, this is a red flag that they haven’t done any introspection about what their behaviour contributed to the deterioration of these previous relationships. No relationship ends only because of one person’s behaviour, and if your partner acts victimized by their exes, one day they will likely play the victim card in their relationship with you.”
- They tell tall tales
A first date is a great opportunity to get to know someone but what if your date tells tall tales — exaggerations of real events or complete lies? Then, you should probably run in the opposite direction since they are clearly dishonest.
Relationship Coach Toni Coleman recommends listening “to that internal voice that tells you something just doesn’t feel right. Listening to your gut will help you to avoid dating mistakes and the potential heartache that can result from falling for someone who isn’t who they say they are.”
- They are rude to the waiter
It is important to notice how your date treats others, especially people they do not have to be nice. Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist, explains, “Harsh treatment of strangers can say a lot about how they view others. Note that bad behaviour toward strangers typically evolves into how they’ll eventually treat you.”
- Has no respect for boundaries
Picture this — you are on a first date and your date keeps touching. You move and they get closer. You ask them to stop and they stop for two seconds before carrying on with the uncomfortable touching. This is a clear sign that your date has no respect for personal space and boundaries so you should run!
“Many chalk up boundary violations to passion early in relationships, but repeated overstepping may show a pattern of disrespect. Decide early on where your boundaries are and what you’re comfortable compromising, and stick to it. Repeated violations are a bad sign.” ―Howes.
It is also a problem when the conversation veers to quickly to sex or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You can deal this by letting your date know you are not comfortable discussing sex quite yet. You are well in your rights to leave if they do not back off.
“If they’re insisting on inviting you to their place, or pushing to go over to yours, that’s a bad sign. When you’re on a first date with someone, and the conversation turns to sex really quickly, stay away,” Rori Sassoon, founder of Platinum Poire matchmaking service, told Business Insider.
- Talks about themselves and leaves no room for you to speak
A first date is supposed to include an easy banter. Nothing too deep, just enough to leave both parties curious enough to want a second date. It definitely should not feel like a therapy session where you are forced to be a therapist with no room to speak.
“When people start telling you stuff that is really personal really quickly, it displays a kind of neediness and clinginess that shows they’re just going to use you as a vehicle for unloading for the relationship. It’s all about them, they don’t ask a question, they don’t really care, they just want to vomit about their whole entire life,” Sassoon said.
Hayes added, “This red flag is partially about their self-centeredness and partially about your teaching them that only their stories are important. Are your thoughts and opinions valued? Do you feel heard and understood? If not, maybe it’s time to keep looking.”