Here are 10 backhanded compliments that are actually offensive.
"The way youve overcome your disability is so inspiring!"
It shouldn't be shocking when someone with a disability is able to accomplish just as much as their able-bodied peers, and the fact that they perform mundane tasks such as grocery shopping or going to the gym shouldn't be held up as brave or inspiring. Doing so reduces people with disabilities to their disabilities.
" and remembering our own names in the morning," comedian and activist Stella Young said at TEDxSydney.
"Youre so articulate!"
"You dont even look pregnant!"
"Youre amazing for going back to work. I could never let a stranger watch my kids!"
Getty Images/Fiona Goodall
Parents get shamed both for choosing to stay home with their kids and for going back to work after having kids, but every family should do what's right for them. As parenting blogger Kristina Kuzmic says, " Mind your own motherhood ."
"You look great! Have you lost weight?"
It's generally not a good idea to comment on the size of someone's body. There are plenty of unhealthy reasons why someone could have lost weight, such as an illness or disordered eating, so weight loss is not necessarily a good thing. It also implies that they didn't look as great when they weighed more and reinforces the idea that "pretty" has to mean "thin."
"Your English is so good!"
Telling a person of color that they speak English well without knowing anything about their background means that you're assuming they can't speak English well in the first place. It also implies that they're somehow "foreign" and don't belong when it's entirely plausible that they were born and raised in America.
"You clean up so well!"
Ciara Appelbaum / INSIDER
You're basically saying that they normally look awful.
"Youre so pretty for a [insert minority here]!"
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This insults an entire group of people, whatever race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, or other category that may be, and stereotypes them as unattractive.
"Youre gorgeous! What are you?"
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It's offensive to ask someone "what" they are, even if you're just trying to compliment their appearance. It's none of anyone's business what someone's racial or ethnic background is.
"Your hair looks so good straight, you should straighten it more often!"