Nate Green

Whats up, man, he said. How was your workout today?

Good, I replied. Now its time for food.

(This is small-talk hell, and I hate myself a little for even writing this out.)

Our non-conversation was quickly distracted by a beautiful woman in the yoga room next to us. She was on her hands and knees, clad head-to-toe in Lululemon, doing core exercises. We watched her in that way where youre trying real hard to look like youre not looking.

(Why did I feel the need to share my thoughts out loud with a veritable stranger, instead of just in my head? I have no idea other than it felt like a pleasant, harmless distraction.)

He nodded. I would do absolutely terrible things to her, he said. Just look at her ass. Then he made a kissy face at her (she didnt see), and turned back to me, eyebrows raised, like you know what Im saying, man?

I shook my head, let out an awkward chuckle, and took it as my cue to leave. Have a good workout, I said. Then I walked out the door.

Fitness Enthusiasts Exercising Using Rowing Machines

I understand why you didnt say anything to that guy, says Erica Smith, M.Ed., a Philadelphia-based sexuality educator. You didnt know him and you probably didnt feel like friends. But you also missed an opportunity.

An opportunity to not perpetuate ultimately destructive talk about women, also known as locker room talk.

Theres nothing wrong with finding someone attractive or even communicating that you find them attractive, says Smith.But it starts to be harmful when guys turn women into objects.

I think back to my conversation with Random Guy and start to pick it apart. We both thought the girl in the yoga studio was gorgeous. But it was the way we talked about it that matters.

Shes gorgeous is a statement of subjective opinion. Its admiration.

Look at her ass, I would do terrible things to her, and Kissy Face, however, are objectification. Thats what happens when a womans body (or body parts, or sexual functions) are isolated from who she is - her whole complex personhood - and treated like objects to be coveted, touched, and controlled.

Before I get all high and mighty thinking Im better than that guy at the gym, I have to remind myself that I still didnt say anything to him. I played along. And that is Smiths point. Thats the opportunity I missed.

Theres a thin line between admiration and objectification, and most of us slip back and forth between them in everyday conversations. It can range from uncouth and mildly offensive to downright aggressive and sexist. With a huge grey area in between.

Locker room talk isnt quite sexual harassment. But according to some psychologists, it can lead to men priming themselves to think of women as sex objects. As even if guys dont think they have less respect for women when participating in or hearing this kind of talk, our brains are making associations that create implicit bias. This means we may treat women differently...without knowing were doing it.

Its everywhere, says Molly Galbraith. Galbraith is co-founder of , an organization that seeks to empower women in and out of the gym.

Man and woman at gym exercising together on rowing machines

Along with a cadre of therapists, doctors, and fitness-industry professionals, Smith and Galbraith created a free online course,

Its for people who work in the fitness industry, sure. But its also for regular guys who go to the gym a lot.

Most of us dont know what to do what do when you realize some guy is following a woman around the gym? What about when a guy touches a woman without her consent? Or when you overhear him asking for her phone number and he wont take no for an answer?

A recent meta-analysis of over 15 studies involving 6,000 college students across the US found that programs designed to prevent sexual assault by increasing onlooker interventions had a meaningful effect on bystander behavior.

The students who went through one of these programs were more likely to step in, should a situation require it. Plus, the students felt like they had greater ability to intervene.

The authors of this meta-analysis, Heather Hensman Kettrey, an Assistant Professor of Sociology at Clemson University and Robert A Marx, a Ph.D. Student at Vanderbilt University, put it this way:

Simply put, bystander programs are successful at encouraging bystanders to intervene when witnessing sexual assault or its warning signs.

Even just as one guy speaking up to your workout partners, friends, and complete strangers, you can make a big difference.

But when should you speak up? And what should you say? I asked Smith and Galbraith to walk me through 3 different scenarios.

<ul><li> The Situation: Youre talking with friend or workout partner and he says something sexist or offensive toward women. </li></ul>

<ul><li> Should You Speak Up?: Theres a big grey area here, says Smith. Words like offensive and even phrases like sexual harassment are broad terms. So in this situation, Smith and Galbraith encourage us to go with our gut. If youre talking to someone and they say something that feels gross or makes you think, Why would they say that? then you should trust yourself to speak up. </li></ul>

<ul><li> How To Speak Up: First, give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Hes likely not a terrible person who hates women. Maybe he made a joke in bad taste. Maybe he was just trying to impress you. It doesnt excuse his behavior, but it does mean his behavior can change if its challenged. Heres what that could look like: Dude. You sound like an asshole. Which you aren't. But you are currently being an idiot. </li></ul>

<ul><li> The Situation: A stranger says something sexist or offensive toward a woman. </li></ul>

<ul><li> Should You Speak Up?: Again, go with your gut. But just in case you need some help, Galbraith shared a few more common acts that dont often register as problems: Making rape jokes, even or laughing or making a joke when a woman shares an experience of being harassed or objectified. In my case, the guy who made a kissy face and said, I would do absolutely terrible things to her. Just look at her ass. would qualify here, too. </li></ul>

<ul><li> How To Speak Up: Challenge them. Make them finish their thought, and give them space to experience some discomfort and reflect on their comments. You can simply say, What do you mean? When theres a little bit of silence and the tables are turned, they may just find it embarrassing enough to not say stuff like that again, says Smith. </li></ul>

<ul><li> The Situation: You witness a man cornering a woman, following her around the gym, and generally annoying her. </li></ul>

<ul><li> Should You Speak Up?: Smith encourages us to notice the womans body language. If she has her headphones in, is turned away from him and not talking, or is talking over her shoulder while moving away, these are all good signs shes probably not enjoying the interaction, she says. </li></ul>

<ul><li> How To Speak Up: You dont have to swoop in like an Alpha male and start something that could end with violence. Instead, you can approach indirectly, create a small distraction, and give the woman an opportunity to extract herself.Just walk up to the guy and ask him a question like, Hey, are you still using those dumbbells? or Hey, do you know if this place has a dip station? </li></ul>

All it takes is a split second and the woman can easily move away, says Smith.

Youre not speaking up in order to shame or blame. Instead, were doing it to set a new standard for whats acceptable behavior. It may feel like youre being too uptight or making a big deal about nothing. But the truth is, it really matters, says Galbraith. Your voice is powerful."

What to Do When Locker Room Talk Goes Too Far

Youre in the gym and run into one of those psuedo-strangers whos always working out when youre working out. The two of you proceed to have a short, bullshitty conversation about nothing of actual importance. This happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was on my way out of the gym when a guy on his way in.

How to Talk Back to Locker Room Talk

That was 16 years ago. In that time, I gained 30 pounds of muscle, became a personal trainer, started a popular blog, and scored a book deal to write a workout guide called Built for Show. I began receiving thousands of emails from men around the world asking for my advice.

One was from a guy who wanted to know if having sex with his girlfriend would reduce his testosterone levels and wreck his ability to gain muscle.

I told him no, it wouldnt-Id Googled research that said as much. Even if it did, having sex was way better than having big biceps. I still stand by that. I soon found myself uncomfortably straddling two worlds-those of the seeker and the sought-after. Just like my idols, I had become a fitness guru.

Guru. Everyone I know-including me-hates that word. And yet theres truth to it. When you witness the influence of some bloggers and podcasters, it can feel like a kind of religion.

Call it the Church of Self-Improvement. We are all disciples and we worship daily: two-hour podcasts, YouTube videos, Instagram stories. What are we looking for? Salvation, of course. But were also looking for meaning. We know were going to die, and, dammit, we want to live our #bestlife before we do.

So we wake up early, put butter in our coffee, meditate, do burpees, and dream of starting a travel blog while drinking ayahuasca and living in a refurbished van in Peru. Or whatever.

We live in a time when anyone can get into the business of giving advice. Following that advice could change your life. Thats obvious. Whats not so obvious is whos worth listening to. There are a lot of people doing good work out there. But there are also a lot of frauds.

I dont much give straight-up advice anymore. Its presumptuous, and were different people with different histories. I cant tell you what to do. But I can share my experience. And thats this: The people Ive found who are worth listening to are the ones whove had success in some part of their life but who dont perpetuate the idea that every part of their life is amazing.

Yes, the gurus can help us change our lives. Sometimes we simply need a shot of inspiration and someone to show us the path. But we also need to be willing to pause the podcast and start walking on our own.

They sell books, promote supplements, preach from the podcast pulpit. Who are these people? Get to know the wide world of gurus. With insight from nutrition expert and Mens Health advisor David L. Katz, M.D., M.P.H.

Known as: Early investor, author, self-experimenter.

The reach: 300 million downloads of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show; five New York Times best sellers.

The message: Adopt the strategies of the worlds most successful people and maximize your time, output, fitness, life.

The solid advice: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.

The suspect: Ferriss has touted metformin for glucose control. According to Dr. Katz, metformin is effective for treating diabetes, but it has no benefit in healthy people and can injure the kidneys.

Aimed at: Those looking for an extra hour in the day.

Known as: Former research biochemist, author.

The reach: Two NYT best sellers, including The Paleo Solution.

The message: Take your cue from evolutionary biology and anthropology and eat and move the way humans were supposed to.

The solid advice: Emphasize unprocessed foods in your diet and get lots of varied exercise.

The suspect: His claim that the paleo diet is the best way to be healthy remains scientifically unfounded, says Dr. Katz.

Aimed at: Protein-forward diet junkies.

Known as: Triathlete, the Google of ancestral health.

The reach: 600,000 monthly visitors to his blog, Marks Daily Apple (self-reported).

The message: Follow the guidance of this ripped 65-year- old to return your health to its genetic roots (by buying his products).

The solid advice: Along with Wolf, Sisson helped popularize paleo eating plans, which reject processed any- thing, especially fast food and soda.

The suspect: Hes selling paleo in a box, including ingredients like coconut oil, despite limited evidence of its long-term health benefits, says Dr. Katz.

Aimed at: Protein- forward-diet junkies who cant cook

Known as: Osteopathic physician, natural-health expert, debunker.

The reach: 25 million monthly page views (self-reported).

The message: Take on Big Pharma and target the causes rather than the symptoms

of ailments, often via alternative medicine.

The solid advice: Hes been ahead of the medical community in touting the benefits of nutrients like omega-3s and CoQ10.

The suspect: Dr. Mercola has also been ordered by the FDA to cease making false claims regarding his own products, sold on his website.

Aimed at: Health-conscious conspiracy theorists.

Known as: Doctor of natural medicine, clinical nutritionist, health nut.

The reach: 1.4 million subscribers to a YouTube channel featuring Dr. Chelsea, his wife; authored the best seller Eat Dirt.

The message: Whole foods and natural remedies, like essential oils and herbs, can make you healthier and happier.

The solid advice: Natural before artificial. Organic before modified.

The suspect: Dr. Katz notes that Axe is perhaps overly reliant on supplements and trendy foods like broth. Theres no evidence of the health benefits of bone broth, he says.

Aimed at: The family that ketos together

Known as: Comedian, UFC commentator, podcaster.

The reach: 30 million+ monthly downloads of his podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience.

The message: Listen to mind-expanding conversations with guests like climber Alex Honnold and a stoned Elon Musk, covering topics from supplements to space-time.

The solid advice: Be nice to people. And do what you really want to do in this life.

The suspect: Rogan doesnt sell his own line of supplements, but hes endorsed ones from other guru types, like Aubrey Marcus (see right).

Aimed at: Enlightened sports-radio listeners.

Known as: Physician, integrative medicine expert.

The reach: 3.28 million Twitter followers; more than 85 books authored or coauthored.

The message: The OG of alternative medicine and the new age fuses mind and body, Vedic science and Western medicine, to reduce stress and improve diet.

The solid advice: Dr. Chopra was an early proponent of mindfulness as a salve for everything from stress to sleep to eating.

The suspect: Suggesting that some of the supplements associated with him can help with mindfulness hints at an effort to cash in, says Dr. Katz.

Aimed at: The spiritually minded. Book readers

Known as: Actress, entrepreneur, founder of Goop.

The reach: 2.4 million visitors per month to Goop.com (valued at $250 million).

The message: Let a beautiful movie star share her unbiased travel, shopping, and health advice while giving a platform to her own cadre of mentors and experts.

The solid advice: High-quality aromatherapy products and sex toys are self-care, too.

The suspect: The site recently settled a consumer lawsuit over the veracity of health claims about its vaginal jade eggs.

Aimed at: Those with disposable income looking to buy a gift for a girlfriend.

Known as: CEO and founder of Onnit, psychedelic medicine advocate.

The reach: 10 million+ podcast downloads (self-reported); the NYT best seller Own the Day, Own Your Life.

The message: With the right training and supplements, a regular person can do everything better.

The solid advice: The Onnit Gym is a leader in functional training, emphasizing fun, safe ways to build muscle and boost mobility.

The suspect: Taking pills to be your best is a worrisome concept, according to Dr. Katz. Many formulations offer vague promises like boost athletic performance.

Aimed at: Fitness buffs with a new-age bent.

Known as: Pod-caster, author, mentor, former pro athlete.

The reach: 80 million podcast downloads (self-reported).

The message: If a small-town boy can make it big and achieve his dreams, then so can you. Listen to inspiring authors, athletes, and influencers to start believing in yourself, champ.

The solid advice: The actionable motivational talk will get you taking on new goals.

The suspect: Sometimes hell host questionable health and dietary authorities, including Goops Steven Gundry, M.D., whose claims about lectin have been derided.

Aimed at: Those who wish Tony Robbins were more affable.

I remember when I found the bodybuilding website Testosterone Nation. I was a 17-year-old skinny kid with shitty grades and no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I devoured every article from every fitness expert on the site. They told me to train hard, eat big, and try to make something of myself. I got to work.

They're the 10 Most Popular Gurus on the Planet. Who's Right for You?

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Nate Green

Articles written by the author

How to Talk Back to Locker Room Talk

They're the 10 Most Popular Gurus on the Planet. Who's Right for You?