Drew Ramsey, MD

It got me thinking that as were practicing social distancing, we need to also put our efforts into enhancing technological intimacy.

As a modern person, you are already using the tools you have (thanks, Instafam), but its worth giving some thought to being more mindful about how you're using more than social media to enhance technological intimacy.

I discovered that its possible to foster a sense of closeness over technology a few years ago, when I was worried about my parents health and moved from New York City to rural Indiana to suss things out. Psychiatry is usually an in-person job that runs on building trust and therapeutic intimacy so that people can do the tough work and speak their truth. But with the move, my couch moved to the cloud, and I had to make an effort to create closeness with my patients using technology.

Heres what I discovered about fostering it then and some tips that hold true now:

<h1> Have real conversations over video </h1>

Your Instafam is great, but you need more than that. Video chats can really approximate in-person encounters if you really focus on them. Enhance this by finding a quiet space. I like to use noise-canceling headphones.

Turn off notifications and really focus on the person and what they may need. Be helpful if asked, but dont get too caught up in fixing things. Use the technology to be with them in their state.

Group meditations! <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a28634718/all-out-studio-train-with-the-best-in-the-business/" id="9039aa78-7421-3003-a7b2-3a7306b8ae67"> Streaming workouts </a> ! Most everything was already online and the quarantine is asking businesses and brands to really commit to digital like never before. If you have a cell signal or wi-fi, isolation isnt a necessary byproduct of being at home more.

Maybe you only have a sunbeam in your apartment or a tiny backyard. Wherever you are, nature is somewhere. Nature helps us be more mindful and aware of whats going on in our heads; it helps us let it go, too. If you cant get outside, watching the natural world on a screen still helps. Immerse yourself in <a href="https://www.bbcearth.com/" id="c899632a-4e86-301a-af8e-b636705b08b5"> BBC Earth </a> or the latest Travis Rice Snowboard video. Weve found solace planting seeds, a patch of arugula we planted at the beginning of the crisis just sprouted.

My family and I are on Day 13 of a self-imposed quarantine on our farm. We had a lot of viral illnesses last month, traveled a lot, and live with two very tough, at-risk 80-year-olds. At the start of this, I wondered how we could emerge less traumatized by the coming weeks, with or without the help of technology. Could I be stronger? Could we be closer? Could I use this time to gain more clarity? Whatever you may need space for, now is a great time to commit to that.

4 Easy Ways to Fight Loneliness While Isolated

As a psychiatrist, Ive heard various levels of distress over the new coronavirus and how its changing our lives.

4 Ways to Fight Loneliness While Isolated

So Ive been known to prescribe Tinder. Or any of the other dating apps. These days, there are many different ways to date, and theres more interest in less-traditional relationships, from hookups to polyamory. Theres an online platform that caters to nearly every preference and like-minded group. Theres even a dating app for farmers. With so many of them being free, you have a low-investment immersion in online dating at your fingertips.

<a href=&quot;https://www.menshealth.com/about/g26028263/mh-advisory-board/&quot;>Click here</a> to learn more about the Mens Health expert advisory board.

Using the apps is a great way for my patients to do what I call exposure therapy, meaning putting themselves outside of their comfort zones repetitively, ideally reducing their fear and distress over time. Its also a great way to practice their conversation skills, by asking engaging open-ended questions, demonstrating active listening skills, or just keeping their phone in their pocket.

When Im with a patient, its important for me to understand what it is theyre looking for at this stage in their life before I recommend online dating sites. When I do, I also offer these tips. Dating can be tough, but high expectations make it tougher. Heres what I recommend to make the experience less challenging and more rewarding:

All the assumptions you are making based on their profile or few words youve exchanged thats all they are, assumptions. It takes time to get to know someone and its easy to present one version of ourselves online (hello, social media). People are layered and complex. Think of a date as an opportunity to get to know someone rather than a first step in a relationship. I meet with people for an hour a week and I feel it takes me months to know them.

<h1> 2. Consider rejection to be progress </h1>

Men who can handle rejection have a superpower for dating. These guys practice the art of not taking everything personally and the lost skill of feeling internally secure. This means that, as much as possible, your self-esteem is generated from within. If you learn from every no, then that gets you to yes in my experience. A clear not interested saves you time. Dont get caught up wondering too much. Trust your gut about what happened and move on.

My job is finding the gold in people and most everyone has some gold in them. Were all unique, and dating is an opportunity to have conversations with people you may have never crossed paths with otherwise. Think of each date as an opportunity to learn some new nugget, and find the gold in your date.

Were all the best versions of ourselves when we are doing things we love. Dont let dating take over your life. Be active and engaged with your other interests-it's where you are most likely to meet folks offline, and when you do meet folks from online platforms, youll have more to discuss than, uh, work.

Are you looking for your soulmate? Friends with benefits? A girlfriend? One nighter? Know what you want so you can make the most of your matches. It will save you both a lot of time. Its easy for people to feel shame around our desires. Instead, focus your shame on being a poor communicator of your needs.

People waste a lot of time messaging, wondering, and hoping. Be nice. Be clear. Set up a time to meet briefly in person-its the only way to know if those algorithms have delivered on their promises and you have made a match!

Interpersonal relationships are important to mental health, but a lot of men struggle to get these going. Theyre shy or have trouble initiating and keeping conversation going. Or theyre too busy to spend a lot of time meeting people, but sure would like a date this weekend. Others have lost spouses to divorce or illness and arent certain about how to put a toe in the water of dating.

How to Survive Dating App Anxiety

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Drew Ramsey, MD

Articles written by the author

4 Ways to Fight Loneliness While Isolated

How to Survive Dating App Anxiety