How true is the statement forgive and forget? Is it ever valid to ask someone to forget after forgiving?
Naturally, this places a lot of importance on the partners' ability to forgive. Anyone who has not mastered the ability of letting go is surely not ready to be in a relationship and if such person decides to do so, he'll have to learn while in the relationship to forgive.
Having established the need for the ability and willingness to forgive, what comes next is the issue of forgetting.
It is often said, forgive and forget. Even legendary singer, 2Face, has a song with that title. Every Nigerian is used to the statement and people use it every time .
However, is there actually a basis to it? Is the statement even valid? Can someone actually forgive and forget, especially a lover that has been hurt by their partner's actions?
Some people believe that forgetting your partner's wrongs should come naturally after you forgive them. Such people are of the opinion that forgiveness is incomplete if you do not actually forget the offence.
Looking at it from another angle, the requirement of forgiving and forgetting might be an unfair and unachievable one in relationships, especially when one partner has been terribly hurt by the other's action.
Even if the offence wasn't very hurtful, forgetting it might still be a lot more difficult than actually forgiving.
According to Olamide, a young professional based in Lagos "This thing varies from person to person. Some people get to forgive and forget, and some some can only manage one of the two."
David, a serving corps member with NYSC, believes that"you should always try to forgive your partner's wrongs. Always look for a reason to pardon their mistakes and indiscretions. That's compulsory.
"Making yourself forget should not really bother you, though. You are under no obligation to forget.
"If you find that you have forgotten, it's fine, but I don't think you can force yourself to forget something. It'll still be somewhere in your mind.
"I, however, believe that you should not bring it up everytime, or nag your partner with it.
"That's totally wrong. If you do not forget, it's OK. Just make sure you are not bringing up that mistake at every point. That's just so uncool."
Understandably you are meant to forgive, there's no doubt or question about that; but is it reasonable to ask someone to forget something that actually hurt them?
Does it make sense to ask lovers to not only forgive but also forget? Is it even possible to forgive and forget?