How to set relationship standards and not settle for less

One of the most-commonly discussed relationship themes is the creation of standards and their validity. You know, all that talk about what you want in a partner, the values you shouldn't forgo and all the stuff [tangible and intangible] that a partner must surely possess before you consider them good enough for you.

See, the whole point of setting these standards is to get for yourself what is best for you. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. The expectations people have from relationships vary and these expectations need to be respected.

Some guys cannot marry a lady that does not pray, some ladies will not look at you twice if you do not have a car, some people hold religion so dear that they wouldn’t even consider you if you do not belong to their religion.

These rules and pedestals are personal and so far as you do not try to force it down the throat of another, you should never feel at fault for having them.

You should never feel bad for having relationship standards and goals, no matter how high. [Credit: CISB] Be romantic on Valentine's day [Credit: CISB] Pulse Nigeria

Times have changed and it is advisable to ride this new, wave of wokeness and political correctness and all. You know, religion should no longer be a barrier to being with one’s soulmate, so shouldn’t be tribalism, race, established gender roles, and other delimiting factors.

ALSO READ: Why do we never forget our first love?

As much as being progressive and practicing religious tolerance is great and all, I believe if your choice, as a lady, is to never be with someone who doesn’t observe the five daily prayers, then by all means, do not give him a chance, let alone marry someone who isn’t even a Muslim. Same goes with other standards or relationship expectations you have in your mind.

There is this arrogant type of manipulation people guise as ‘care’ and ‘looking out for your best interest’ when they tell you to lower your standards because ‘you can’t find anyone like that.’

Don’t lower any friggin’ thing!

What this implies, though, is that you need to be a version of yourself that meets the standard you are setting for someone else to meet. You can't aim to attract people who are 100% and be miles below that yourself.

With that sorted, just believe there is someone out there for almost everyone and your standards are not what will pursue the real love of your life away from you.

There is someone out there for everyone [Credit Pinterest] Pulse Nigeria

The idea that one is single because he aims too high – a babe with great shape, good cook, loves God and adores family, lady in the street and freak in the sheets, etc – is bullshit.

Being single is an indication of having not met the right person, not necessarily an indictment of your high standards.

And even if you ever need to modify, bend, increase or lower that standard, do it at your own discretion, not because someone says you can’t find someone good enough.

The act or process of setting these standards for yourself follows the same pattern which every life should follow…

Chart your path. Live on your own terms. Set your own standards.

That’s the way to go.