Fayose goes to London

London? Is that the new Mecca? Hunger dey waya pesin, visa I nor get, you are talking of London. Na leg I wan take waka go there?

I don't know what you are talking about, but I'm saving for my London trip. Next Sunday, I'll sow seed and phone in church so that God can bless my London hustle.

You are definitely sick in the head. Scratch that. You are always sick in the head. Village people have resumed work in your life.

Wait until I return from London. Then I'll tell you how our president is recuperating nicely, how he has a sense of humour and how he is laughing at rumour mongers like you who say he is incapacitated and on life support.

That's Fayose, not me.

But wait o, did Ayo Fayose say he was going to commit suicide if the president returns home alive?

I can't recall.

I certainly read something like that.

It also looks like he denied it when pictures of a laughing president made their way across the world.

ALSO READ: President Buhari meets governors in London

He has to deny it. How can you commit suicide with all the amala and ponmo in the world? Who does that?

You dey crase.

But I am happy that Buhari is looking hale and hearty sha. Now we await his return. My friends and I, my girlfriends and their friends, will sew aso ebi and wear them to the airport on the day Buhari lands.

You won't even know when he lands. Idiot. Presidents always return from these trips like thieves in the night. And who'll dash you money for transport fare to the Abuja airport from Lagos? Ode!

Oh well, you underrate me. My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in Glory. If people can trek to Abuja from Lagos when Buhari won the presidential election, wetin do my leg?

Ode. You have to begin trekking now if you are serious.

But do you know when Buhari will return?

Don't you read the news on the internet? The president said he'll return when his doctors give him the go ahead.

OK then.

Did you also notice how the select PDP and APC governors have been gushing since they returned from London? They've been singing to the press about how healthy the president is.

ALSO READ: We cracked jokes with President on our visit - Gov Ganduje

Wait, PDP governors also made the trip to London without Fayose? Is Fayose no longer a PDP member?

The presidency chose those who made the London trip across both political parties. And you don't want a man who wishes Buhari dead, showing up at his bedside in London. Only people who mean someone well travel to go and see them when they are ill. Black magic is real.

OK. But how is Fayose taking the snub?

He's gone quiet for now. But if the president doesn't return in another ten days, Fayose will tell the world that he has ten pictures of Buhari on a life support machine.

What a man! Some mothers do have 'em. He also seems to have a perfect working relationship with Lere Olayinka, his media aide.

Can't you see that they look alike and could pass for brothers? What did you expect?

Na wa o. But why has Fayose always wished Buhari dead? He did the same during the 2015 election campaigns. Maybe he knows something we don't know.

Well, the only thing Fayose knows is that he'll be president in 2019.

Buhahahahahahah. Abeg, Abeg.

You are a goat. Better believe the man. I have learnt not to dismiss the aspirations of nutcases since Trump became president of America. If it can happen in America with all their enlightened and sophisticated voters, why not here?

You are dreaming. Meanwhile, Fayose may be on his way to London as we speak.

Why did you say that?

He's been so quiet since the APC and PDP governors returned from London. When Fayose goes quiet, he's up to something. The Fayose I know can't take a snub sitting down.

ALSO READ: 'President's recovery is a miracle,' PDP Governor says after London visit

Hahahahaha. They will so bounce him at the Abuja House in London, he'll land in Igbobi, Lagos.

Never underrate a man who preaches from the pulpit and who is friend with Fani-Kayode.

That one sef dey. Fani-Kayode writes epistles when he sniffs that thing, surely.

What thing?

Idiot. No be for my mouth dem go take hear say Awilo na Logumba. Maybe Fayose is working with a Photoshop specialist as we speak, to establish how photo-shopped the pictures from London have been. The man works hardest on the silliest things.

I hear you. By the way, which money are these governors using to fly to London upandan? Can't they borrow man small?

People that just received money from Paris Club refund? If the president doesn't return in another one week, they'll go see him again in London with the APC chairman and ministers. Going to London is now a national pastime. When they don't have jobs.

We should all relocate to London at this rate. If our president now governs from London, wetin remain?

Nor be you and me. Buhari is foreign based. We na home based. Na so life be. And have you calculated how much the presidential jet has cost this country each day it is parked in the UK?

Is it your money?

Yes, it's our Commonwealth.

Commonwealth ko, Ecowas ni.

Abeg, you get garri wey man fit sip? I can't go to London looking like this. I need to add me some flesh. Wa-sherey!

Mumu.

Mumu's friend.