FBI List of rich Nigerian politicians is so fake, we are in tears

A list containing the names of rich Nigerian politicians, has made a return online. The authors need to get a life

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Senate President Bukola Saraki, Imo State Gov Rochas Okorocha and Speaker Yakubu Dogara at a function play

Senate President Bukola Saraki, Imo State Gov Rochas Okorocha and Speaker Yakubu Dogara at a function

(Punch)
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Every other month in the last two years, a list of the richest Nigerian politicians as revealed by America's Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), finds its way online.

Here's the thing, though: the list is so fake we are in tears.

Apologies if we just burst your bubble, but we've had enough.

For some inexplicable reasons, the list has made a re-entry into the online space in 2017.

Governor Rochas Okorocha of Imo State play Imo State Governor Rochas Okorocha (dailypost)

 

Here it goes:

1. Rochas Okorocha $1.4 billion Jp Morgan Chase/New York

2. Mohammed Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso $1.15 billion American Express, NY

3. Kashim Shettima $1.1 billion Wells Fargo, San Francisco

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4. Vice Admiral Murtala Nyako, Gcon, Cfr $805 million City Group, NY

5. Ibrahim $798 million City Group, Ny

6. Rotimi Amaechi $757 million US Bancorp, Minnesota

play Minister of Budget and National Planning Udo Udoma and Rotimi Amaechi at FEC (Twitter)

 

7. M Nyako Abdulaziz $626 million Ally Financial, Detriot

8.Adama Oshiomhole $625 million Bb&T, North Carolina

9. Rauf Aregbesola $513 million City Group, NY

10. Umaru Tanko Almakura $510 million State Street Corporation

11. Aliyu Magatakarda Wamakko $476 million Wells Fargo, San Francisco

12. Babatunde Fashola $448 million City Group, NY

13. Ibikunle Amosun $442 million Bank Of America

14. Ahmed $437 million US Bancorp

15. Abiola Adeyemi Ajimobi $422 million Ally Financial

Pulse has been poring through the original document from whence the list emanated. Here's our take:

a) The FBI is primarily set up to deal with matters of national security in the United States. Its Wikipedia page reads that "the FBI is the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States, which simultaneously serves as the nation's prime federal law enforcement agency.

Senate minority leader Harry Reid said FBI Director James Comey, seen in September 2016, should be "investigated" for his role in the November US presidential election play FBI Director Comey (Getty/AFP/File)

 

"Operating under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Department of Justice, the FBI is concurrently a member of the U.S. Intelligence Community and reports to both the Attorney General and the Director of National Intelligence. The FBI is a leading U.S. counterterrorism, counterintelligence, and criminal investigative organization".

Sorry, Nigerians, the FBI has its plate full with domestic matters, as it were. It has plenty of responsibilities--bigger fish to fry.

Snitching on what Nigerian politicians do with their money or where they lodge their money, is certainly not one of the FBI's many tasks.

b) The document is replete with spelling and typographical errors.

Basic rules of syntax are also trampled upon. In one instance, Citigroup Inc.; New York is written as Citi group / new York.

FBI Director James Comey announced a fresh review of newly discovered emails related to Clinton's use of a private server while secretary of state play FBI Director James Comey (AFP/File)

 

How the FBI would spell "New" with a small letter "n" in New York, beats us.

Citigroup Inc is also badly put out.

For the life of us, the FBI won't spell Nigeria's national awards as "Gcon, Cfr", instead of all caps of GCON, CFR.

The full-stop, yeah? It was glaringly missing beside all the names.

The FBI is thorough, people. Very thorough.

c) The FBI that the rest of the world knows is very secretive (read covert) in its dealings.

There's no way America's chief investigative agency will reveal the names of rich Nigerian politicians to the press. To what end, exactly?

The FBI just doesn't roll like that.

Atiku Abubakar and Asiwaju Tinubu play Atiku and Tinubu (Daily Post)

 

The FBI certainly doesn't investigate on the pages of your favourite blog.

d) Almost all the politicians who made the roll call are members of the governing APC. C'mon guys!

This was obviously the handiwork of some mischief maker.

Our only grouse is that this document keeps returning to the public space like some cat with nine lives. We just hope we never see it again.

For Chrissake, this is 2017, people!

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