Bringing a little butt action into the bedroom can be a tricky if it's not his idea.
"Individuals and couples are always looking to expand their horizons and looking for new twists to enhance their experience together," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York. "At this point most sex acts aren’t particularly taboo but male anal stimulation still has those qualities—there’s no reason why the anal area should be off limits."
In fact, you might want to put it on the sex agenda: A little backdoor action, can be super pleasurable for guys, says Kerner. Not only are there a lot of sensitive nerve endings that can make sex even steamier, there's an element of psychological excitement and a so-bad-it's good sense of kinkyness, he adds. "Real intimacy requires a degree of vulnerability, and when you’re exploring something that’s taboo and new with a partner, you’re making yourself a little more vulnerable than you’re used to. That leads to psychological excitement and more intimacy."
That said, bringing a little butt action into the bedroom can be a tricky if it's not his idea. So how do you ease into anal play with your guy? First and foremost, "begin with your own excitement and interest in it," says Kerner. Chances are, seeing you get turned on by the idea will turn him on too—or at least get him intrigued. Kerner suggests three strategies for broaching the topic:
"You could make it part of a sexy massage and gradually approach that area to see what your male partner is comfortable with," Kerner says. Just make sure to take it slow and stay super tuned in to his response—both verbal and non-verbal. Secondly, you could bring it up as a fun fantasy. Starting off by saying something like "I had this super sexy daydream the other day..." can help make the idea seem more fun and less intimidating. Finally, there's always porn. "Find some good ethical and progressive porn to watch together that features male anal stimulation," Kerner suggests. Then ask if he wants to recreate the sexy scene.
Once you've decided to go there, there are a few things to keep in mind. Number one, make sure you're both relaxed. "This should be part of a sex menu that includes arousing and relaxing activities," Kerner says. Secondly, you want to start slow. Try some slight penetration with your (clean) fingers, before introducing a sex toy. When you're ready for the, ahem, big guns—a.k.a. a butt plug—again, start slow. "Lubricate the butt plug a little bit and play with inserting it very, very gradually," says Kerner. "Even penetrating by a quarter of an inch or a half an inch is going to be extremely pleasurable." He recommends the beginner-friendly We-Vibe Ditto.
If you're both into it, it's easy to work a little anal action into your regular sex routine. "Think of it as a spicy accent to some of the activities you’re already doing," Kerner says. "It’s a fantastic enhancement to oral sex or manual stimulation." Just make sure if you're using sex toys to get acquainted with his anus, you wash them before and after you use them anywhere else. Happy exploring!