As adults, the only people who see us when we're sleeping and know when we're awake are ourselves
He sees you when you’re sleeping…
Growing up, many of us who celebrate Christmas were kept in line throughout the year with threats that if we didn't get our acts together, we'd be kicked off Santa's nice list. That meant no gifts—a true nightmare for greedy little gremlins like myself.
As adults, the only people who see us when we're sleeping and know when we're awake are ourselves—and the ladies who are nice enough to let us sleep over. And, much like good ol' Saint Nick, if we don't behave nicely those women have the right to put us on their naughty list and ban us from their bedrooms (and lady business) for good. In my book, that's even worse than not scoring an Xbox back in 2004.
To get an idea of who's behaving badly between the sheets and who is at the top of the nice list, we asked guys about the bedroom escapades that put them on one list or the other:
"Well, I cheated on my girlfriend. So, to naughty list I go. Coal in my stocking for sure. But, to be fair, she also cheated on me, so at least she's on the list, too." —Jason L.
"Without really realizing it, I made a resolution last year to really do my part when it came to foreplay. I didn't get that many opportunities, but I did sleep with one woman a few times. On one of those nights, I went down on her for longer than an hour. She came more than once and had some very kind words afterward. I think that puts me on the nice list. The grown-up nice list." —Trevor S.
"I was hooking up with an ex who happened to have a boyfriend, something that could be considered naughty. And then there's the fact that I wasn't wearing a condom, but it actually gets worse. I hadn't had sex for a while, so I was excited and had some build-up. When I pulled out and came, I came hard. I was going for her torso and chest, but it shot right into her eye. It was unintentional, but coming in a non-single woman's eye without warning is something Santa probably doesn't like. So naughty list." —Marty H.
"When I was on my third date with a woman I'd met through Hinge, we went out drinking pretty heavily. It was a Friday evening, so we could really let loose. We ended up drinking more than we had the first two times we met—and we both got pretty drunk. She was much more tipsy than me, and she made it clear that she wanted me to go home with her. I thought she might be too drunk, so I just took her home in an Uber and dropped her off. I liked her, and didn't want her to have drunken sex with me and regret it. The next morning, sober, she thanked me for being a gentleman and asked if she could come over. Then we had sober sex. [Not only is] passing on sex with someone who is really drunk just common courtesy, but I feel like it helps me stay on the nice list." —Taylor G.
"My fianceé and her friends talk about everything, including how great it feels to get your ass licked. She told me she had never had it done to her before, and that she wanted to try it. I didn't really want to, but I did it anyway. I think that puts me on the nice list for the year. It actually wasn't so bad, but it's not something I want to do all the time."—Keith A.
"This year my girlfriend and I started using sex toys during sex. I think that gets me on the naughty list—in a good way." —Sean M.
"My wife and I were in missionary, and both of us were about to finish. All of a sudden, I got a terrible cramp in my right hamstring. It was extremely painful, but we hadn't had such a great round of sex in a while. So I wasn't going to let a cramp stop us from finishing. She came, I came, then I rolled over and began stretching. It hurt for days. But it was worth it. Can I get on the nice list?" —Jashua T.
"Is ghosting naughty? If so, I guess I'm on that list. I've ghosted a few women for the first time this year. It happened to me enough times that I guess I thought that I'd just start doing it, too. But now that I think of it, I was just stooping to their level. It's not cool to have sex with someone and never speak to them again. Next year I'll be better, I promise." —Matt M.