A clash between millennial wokeness and respecting your in-laws

On Sunday, June 17, 2018, Twitter NG picked up on the nose ring topic and sure enough, it caused a debate on the micro-blogging platform.

It triggered emotions, feelings and opinions to make it an issue that is still relevant 24 hours after it was brought up.

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What's the big deal on getting a nose piercing and putting a ring or stud in it? "I don’t think a nose ring, or any piercings at all, shows that you are 'irresponsible'. That’s just ignorant and backwards. It’s just body jewellery. As long as it’s not causing any genuine problems. I think it’s okay to have" says Simi Badiru who is presently in Lagos for her summer internship.

For others, it's quite a big deal. "Nose, Boobs, Tongue, etc Piercing Shouldn't Be Found On Any Responsible Human. No Amount Of Debate Can Classify Them As Traits Of Good Child" tweeted Abimbola Abio Idrees.

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Victorian Morality

And here lies the major argument against body jewellery that goes beyond wearing earrings. In Nigeria's conservative society, especially in Southern Nigeria which is mainly Christian, body piercings are seen as rebelling against conservative values.

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Body piercings and body modifications can be found in several African cultures. However, with the advent of colonialism, most African practices were swept away under the guise of being 'barbaric'. Out went our culture and in came conservative and strict Victorian values.

ALSO READ: Impressing my partner's parents

Victorian Morality refers to the morals of people living during the reign of Queen Victoria (1837–1901). This period represents the period in British life when society was rigid and strict. The virtues of hard work, honesty, duty, responsibility and thrift were upheld. Criminal activity was not accepted in any shape or form.

Also, there was a standard for moral conduct which involved sexual restraint. During this period you were expected to be prudish and conservative in appearance and sex-related issues.

Victorian Morality also spread throughout the British Empire. Missionaries told us to do away with our culture and embrace the Victorian way of life. Body modification and body piercing were highly frowned upon.

Even though the Bible does not state that nose piercing is evil, the argument against it has been wrapped with conservatism and Christianity.

Rebellion against conservative values

Today, nose piercing is common. Septum piercing was quite the rave a couple of years ago among young Nigerian women. Apart from piercings, tattoos, and dreadlocks have been on the rise too. It's obvious that the children of the 80s, 90s and 00s who were born into the dysfunctional Nigerian society are rebelling against conservative values of the colonial and pre-colonial era.

Rocking a nose ring in public is one thing but wearing it to meet your in-laws is another thing. Visiting your in-laws for the first time is a conservative event in Nigeria. The old rules apply here, dress how you want to be addressed and make a good impression. A nose ring isn't exactly a solid good impression to older folks.

Nose piercing and the in-laws

"I believe in equality. I believe in tolerance also but I believe more so in getting the job done" Emose tells Pulse. Emose who is from Northern Nigeria and resides in Abuja once had a nose ring. She believes that removing a nose ring is about the end goal.

"If it helps me get what I am going for in a way that I gain success and later on, no one can talk to me, cool," she says. Many other young Nigerian women share this same view too.

"I think the girl is being difficult," says Wemimo* (not real name) who is based in London. She is referring to the story of the undisclosed Nigerian lady who started the debate by refusing to take off her nose ring to meet her in-laws. Wemimo says she will take off her nose ring during the first meeting just because it is a sign of respect.

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"It's a sign of respect to his parents," she says. "After the first meeting and I know I've secured the bag if they happen to see me with it, I'm sure they will mention their dislike for it but it wouldn't be the determining factor as to why they didn't approve of me in the first meeting."

Essentially it is about compromise no matter how brief, a sentiment shared by popular Lagos based on-air-personality N6.

"My GF likes to wear Anklets and a Toe Ring.. My Momsie associates such with Ashewo Behaviour so She never wears it when coming to Mines. I like to Dress Urban but when I meet my Girls People she Makes me wear Native. We are a Couple that gives unto Caesar what is Caesars. #Fin" he tweeted.

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For the ladies, stooping to conquer is the mission but when your husband's family starts making remarks about your appearance, there could be a bigger problem.

"It’s bad for them to do that," says Emose on in-laws who frown on what their daughter-in-law puts on. For Simi, it feels like "hiding a part of me which I’m not very comfortable doing."

Marriage in the African context involves more than two people. It involves both families. With the issue of appearance comes control which could become a bigger problem during a marriage.

"If he and his family are on good terms, they discuss things properly, they sit down and talk about stuff. If he now comes to me to say I should remove my ring, this is what will come to my mind, 'you and your mother have gossiped about me and she's advising you on how to switch up your babe so that she can cater to the family'. That will create a lot of problems for me. Thinking about it makes me uncomfortable because the family will try to change more things later" says Emose.

ALSO READ: 5 things you should know before getting a nipple piercing

If it's a case of the young couple versus the guy's family, she says she would remove the nose ring then find a way to make sure her guy is bold enough to make his decisions and not be influenced by his parents later on.

First impressions

Looks play a huge part in the Nigerian society. Even an anklet is also generally frowned upon. "I’ve gotten a few stares" admits Simi who wears an anklet.

What is your opinion on women in anklets?

While Nigerian millennials might be woke, they still exist in the Nigerian society where the relics of Victorian morality still exists.

"Looks are the first thing. With Africans, yes we are trying to move forward, yes we are to be new era but first and foremost we are Africans so we have to be calm about those looks" says Emose.

However not every Nigerian culture frowns on nose rings. In Northern Nigeria which is predominantly Muslim, nose rings are cultural. According to Emose her mum had one. "The Yorubas are more westernized and so that’s why they think it’s a bad thing," she says.

For her, she got her nose ring to counterbalance her nerdy look. "Wearing glasses make you look to intellectual for approach. I wanted a little more attention."

Still, even in Northern Nigeria where such an ornament is cultural, she had to remove her nose ring because of the wrong message it could pass across. "I took mine out because I’m always trying to play ball with the big men. So I don’t need to draw attention to myself in certain ways," she says.

"As far as they are concerned body jewellery is not the same as irresponsibility. And this is the same with tattoos/hairstyles. People express themselves differently and your jewellery does not in anyway shape or form determine the kind of person you are" says Simi. While this is true, it will be a long time when people are judged by their character and not looks.

As children of people brought up during the colonial and post-colonial era, removing body piercings and modifications is a sign of respect to them which is highly valued in our society.

"If they want to like you they will like you regardless of piercing but actively it is a sign of respect" states Wemimo.

While no one is stopping you from getting a nose ring, not removing it to see your in-laws for the first time might not be the best idea.