Tiwa Savage is right, men remain heads in Nigerian marriages

So we’re on familiar territory again.

The issue of men, women, and gender roles in relationships has once again arisen and this time, Tiwa Savage is in the midst of it all.

On Toolz’ midday radio show yesterday, October 4 2017, Mama Jamjam makes a point on the patriarchal system of the society, and how the system favours men than it does women.

She rightly says that women may “have to work 10 times harder than your male counterparts,” to achieve the same results as them.

Another thing she’s right about, which is more relevant for the purpose of this piece, is the view she expressed about the roles of the genders in romantic/marital relationships.

In Tiwa’s exact words:

“We’ve been taught, a woman owns the house.”

“I also don’t think men and women are equal, I don’t think that’s how God created us, especially in the household anyway.

“So I think as females when we realise that we can be strong in our career, when we are home we have to realise that the man is the head of the house.”

In typical social media fashion, her comments [and character] have been shredded, with loads of people pointing out the flaws in her statement.

[No available link text]But, really, let’s face it; what’s wrong with what Tiwa said here?

Her point about the patriarchal system of our society is surely not.

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And in a society like ours where women are still placed under limitations solely on the account of their gender, that much is pretty clear.

On men being heads of their families, can someone point out the problem in that to me, because I can’t see any.

Here is a society where babes get into relationships and expect boyfriends to plan most of the dates, spend most of the money, initiate sex more and when the time comes to settle down, it is he who is even expected to go down on a knee and propose because… of course he’s the guy in the relationship, he’s expected to.

And this cycle continues in marriages.

Almost everyone expects men to be leaders, to make more money and be more financially responsible, to be strong, confident, be able to command a woman’s respect and all that stuff that pretty much prepares them to take their place as the head of the family.

Why? because that's how it's been for as long as we can remember.

The society is set in its ways and even though a wave of change keeps blowing, trying to reshape our relationship and marriage behaviours, not much has changed and the old order - one where it's fine for men to be the head of the house, and women, support - remains.

[No available link text]This is the prevalent way things are still run in the Nigerian society, and Tiwa perfectly captures that in her comments.

I know it and you know it. Only keyboard warriors on social media seem not to know this.

Of course we know that a lot of men fall short of this standard, but then the standard remains unchanged and it is what men, married or not, are still expected to strive towards.

What Tiwa said is absolutely correct as far as I am concerned and until society largely gravitates towards a new, different order, her words will remain true and accurate - we really do have to realise that the man remains the head of the house.