This is what it really means to be emotionally unavailable

When people say they are emotionally unavailable, what exactly do they mean?

According to American therapist, Jeremy Ortman, an adjunct faculty member in the counseling psychology department at Columbia University and a practitioner in New York City, being emotionally unavailable basically means keeping one's guard up, out of fear for what will happen after becoming intimate and vulnerable with someone.

For many people who do not suffer from this issue and can’t relate with the mental intricacies of it for those who do, there is a risk to be dismissive of the problem, and to continuously try to pressure the emotionally-unavailable into relationships.

Admittedly, these pressures may sometimes be implied, expressly-stated, intentional, unintentional, and may even come with good intentions, too!

However, it is important to realise that sensitivity is key for those who are emotionally unavailable, because as Ortman puts it:

"From the outside, the threat might seem minimal, but for those who are emotionally unavailable, the message inside them is signaling danger.

"The prospect of getting close to someone is like standing at the edge of a dark abyss: Your body is feeling cautious, and you question whether it is worth it to take the leap."

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How to know someone who is emotionally unavailable

One major sign of people who may be suffering from this is their quickness to pull out when an emotional or romantic relationship looks set to bloom.

Ortman says such people may be personable and engaged when they first start dating, but then pull back when the prospect of a deeper relationship comes up, he says.

Other people might just be afraid to talk about feelings, whether they're good or bad, Ortman says.

It can be scary to say, "I love you," or even just call someone their partner and they also tend to ghost when the emotional connection starts to get really intense.

How to overcome the condition

The therapist says emotional unavailability can be turned on its head when people recognize it as a problem and address it activities like journaling, talking, or meditating as ways to make sense of your own feelings. Once you recognize your feelings and articulate what you are feeling, the journey is half-completed he says.