Relationship Talk 'My girlfriend's job is affecting our relationship, please help'

I really need her back but I am lost for ideas… and don't know how to go about this whole thing.

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Relationship Talk

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Hello, I met this girl in secondary school, she was a class ahead of me… but we hit it off on a good note and started dating… [We met five years after school… dated on and off for few years before making things work this year.

We have had few issues concerning her job and the scheduling, and we settle them.

I try very hard to be supportive and all that but]… fast forward to October another job came up and she had to go for about two weeks. Two weeks became five weeks. Throughout this time, I wasn't even pissed because I knew how their catering job can be and its demands.

We actually have an agreement where she does the calling when she goes to work or let me know when to call. She came back first week of this month, definitely I've missed her and really couldn't wait to see her.

[She promised to see me during the week but surprisingly, began to ignore my calls and instead sent me Whatsapp messages the way she’d do when at work]

So I told her I don't really understand why she's playing pranks with me if she's not yet back she should let me know and I’ll be fine with that.

I sent that message to her and she has been mad at me for saying she's playing pranks and honestly I said that just to make things easy on her because she made me understand when her shift was extended for two more weeks she was a little scared to tell me so I wouldn't get angry and I sent that message without any iota of anger, only just to make her at ease to talk to me about what the current situation was.

She has refused to pick my calls, she keeps telling me to leave her, that I don't want to understand her and she wants to end things because she wants to know she doesn't have to get anyone pissed or angry just want to be left alone.

I have explained all these to her sister and cousin and they are trying to talk to her.

I don't fall in love easily but I've always loved her even while I dated other ladies she has been the only woman I love.

My friends keep telling me to keep apologizing and give her time so I don't regret any hasty decision later but it's just so hard I miss her so much and I really want her back.

The painful part is I made up my mind to engage her by next year January. I really need her back but I am lost for ideas… and don't know how to go about this whole thing.

Hello, let me first apologise for cutting down the mail. I assure you, though, that I read it all and will now address it based on all the information provided.

First of all, this appears to be a classic case of misunderstood intentions, and normally, should not have gotten this bad but apparently it has.

It looks to me like your girlfriend is acting up because she feels unsafe with you due to the repeated problems you’ve had with her job and the amount of time she spends away from you.

The fact that you always miss her terribly is normal for someone in love, and you cannot be faulted for that. However, what you need to work on is your communication with her, especially on matters relating to her job as she appears to be very serious about that career.

As much as you feel attached to her and eager to spend as much time as possible with her, you need to understand [from what I read] that she is only willing to be with someone who does not only know the way her work is, but someone who is willing to support her in words and deeds. For this to work, you need a lot of sacrifices, maybe a lot more than you are already making.

Without going too far away from the point, I think you are on the right path with the apologies.

 I can’t think of anything that’ll work more in this instance than your honest, genuine, continuous show of remorse for those words she misunderstood.

You need to convince her that you said that only because you have the best interest of your relationship at heart, and not because you wanted ti make her feel bad for being industrious.

If she is not picking your calls, send her messages. Honest, sincere words about the things you are willing to change, the extra sacrifices you will gladly make. Tell her how much you love and miss her and how you are willing to do more to make things work.

Needless to say, you should actually mean these things or not bother saying them at all.

Let’s hope she accepts  your apology.

Lastly, let me remind you that when you fall in love with people, you are to take the totality of them, and this is what your babe is made of - an industrious spirit, and a fierce protection of it.

You should always put that in consideration in everything you do with her from the moment you get back together [I am very hopeful for that.]


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Yours truly!

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