Some things she does before that I like so much, she has stopped doing them.
I have been in a relationship for seven years and been through thick and thin. We have come a long way.
But I notice my girlfriend has changed over time.
Some things she does before that I like so much, she has stopped and when I asked her why, she said she doesn't like them that she was just doing them.
I now notice that she loves her family more even at my own discomfort and displeasure and she will say it’s for my own good.
When she was in school then, every time I visited her, she would be hiding on the pretense that she told her friends that I am above the level I am.
I also noticed then that different men call her and she says they are just her helpers that nothing is between them.
When we talked about it, she said it’s because I don't dress well, I’m not the kind of guy she likes because I am dark in complexion, that she likes fair guys that dress well and all.
After some more time, her sister now started staying with her couldn't visit her so as not to inconvenience her sister and when I do visit them, it’s always hell.
Fast forward I got a job and I’m comfortable to a level where we are talking marriage. She visits and I’m a person that likes people around me. But she says she’s jealous and doesn't want any girl around me even my friend and all.
Things are not so fine in her family she always sad and make sure I feel it too.
We can't chat as we’d like because her battery is always low because there is usually no light. And when she now charges her phone and wants to chat, I might be busy and she then becomes annoyed if I do not respond.
When I speak my mind, she gets hurt, misunderstands me and blows everything out of proportion.
Along the line met a girl. She is just my friend, nothing more.
I like her and she likes me too but told her I was in a relationship that if not for that I would be with her and we see daily I just notice I am having strong feelings for her because she always there for me and so mature.
Please just your analysis and candid advice.
All I see in your mail above is a mix of several things happening wrong in your relationship, and if thing are really as you’ve painted above, you really have a lot of work to do.
Let me start by addressing the issue about her family and her love for them. I think you should not be worrying yourself or making an issue out of the fact that she loves her family, no matter how uncomfortable you feel.
I mean, you are not married yet, and frankly till that happens, I believe she is more for her family than for you. So in that regard, I think you need to let it slide and learn to deal with that.
She stopped doing things that make you happy, she sees other people and call them her helpers, she painted an unreal picture of you to her friends because she wanted them to think she was with someone that was ‘cool’, she thinks you do not dress well, etc… the list is quite long.
But the bottom line is that despite all of this alleged faults and mistake, I think you can both still be a great team.
Communicate with her as gently and honestly as possible. Tell her how much you miss those things she used to do back then, and how you would appreciate it if she could begin to do them again.
Patience is also key; things will not smoothen out immediately, you will need some time to fix all that.
Also, I think you need to cut ties with that new girl if you really want to make things work with your girlfriend.
Having that other girl around will most likely create the idea of a Plan B in your mind, which might not make you put in extra effort and make the needed sacrifices for your relationship.
If you have nothing to fall back on, you’d be more pressed to make your relationship work.
Don’t let your girl go. If you’ve been through thick and thin together as you say, I think you both deserve another shot at being truly happy.
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