It gives me joy to see her happy but it also hurts when I see the things abandoned or damaged or lost.
I kinda need public opinion on a relationship issue I’m sure most of us Nigerian guys have.
I love my girlfriend a lot and I'm 100% sure she loves me too but she's just too careless with things I get her and it really pains me because it’s not like I’m where I want to be financially right now.
I mean I just graduated and I’m about to go for NYSC so I know how hard I work to be where I am now.
I helped her furnish her room, got a nice rug for her which cost me about ₦47,500 she used it for some time and when it got dirty she took it to rug wash guys and abandoned it there. The rug has been there for almost 4 months now.
I gave her my 32" plasma when I graduated. A power surge blew it and this is of course not her fault. But then I took the TV to the repair place and told her where it is and the bill to fix it was 8k.
I told her to foot the bill by herself, which I think is fair because… well… it’s a free TV anyway. It’s been about 7 months since I last heard of the TV. I'm sure the repair guy has sold it.
That’s not all. She lost her phone so I gave her my blackberry to manage until I could get her a phone. Less than a month after, she broke the screen and dumped the phone in a drawer.
I said nothing and still scraped up some cash to get her an iPhone5s which was what I could afford at the time. In less than a month, she broke the screen and dumped the phone in a drawer.
I took a deep breath and changed it for her. She came to visit last month and the screen was broken again..... I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want it to look like I complain too much.
Three months ago, I got her a laptop. That one didn’t even stay up to a month, she damaged it but it wasn’t a serious problem. It was something 3k would fix.
I guessed that wouldn’t be an issue because I send her some money from time to time but till today the laptop is still bad.
The list goes on and on… authentic Topman shades… expensive frame for her medicated glasses... a generator (that’s the most recent) etc.
All this is in the space of a year... We have been dating for a year and 9 months now and I don’t know what to do to keep her in check...
I can’t stop getting her gifts because it’s just in my nature. It gives me joy to see her happy but it also hurts when I see the things abandoned or damaged or lost.
I need another's opinion to help me make a decision on what to do to her because I've tried everything in my power.
The longer you bottle this in, the worse it might get.
As with almost every relationship issue, communication is what determines whether you are handling it right or not.
Communicating your dissatisfaction with her will not necessarily make her stop automatically, but at least you can then be sure that you aired your discontent.
How she chooses to respond to something that bothers you this much will show you a glimpse, at least, of the type of woman she is.
To spend so much and have it wasted or treated with a lackadaisical attitude must make you feel some type of way which is perfectly understandable.
I’d say stop getting her gifts but clearly it’s in your nature and you can’t help yourself.
I suggest that after having that conversation with her about how she needs to do better, you should also try to reduce the number of things you buy for her.
I mean, the confidence might just have grown in her that you'd always fix things for and get her new ones and if such level of independence doesn't work for you, you have to voice it.
Give her a window of a month or two and you can afterwards judge for yourself whether she’s still worth the stress.
Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?
Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?
Just send a mail, include your location and detail your issues to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.