Relationship Talk With Bukky My boyfriend is emotionally distant

All I want from him is just to show me he loves and still cares for me.

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Angry girlfriend. play

Angry girlfriend.

(Mademenoire)
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Dear Bukky,

I was match-made with a guy and when we saw each other, we connected. The relationship started all well because he always just wanted to be around me.

He comes to pick me after school, takes me for lunch, calls and messages me regularly. I always reciprocate his calls and messages too. The first month we met, there was no sex cos I didn’t want to look cheap but I had to later give in when I thought he was getting serious with me.

He was like pregnancy will hasten our relationship. But I didn’t like the idea of getting married because of pregnancy and we had only begun the relationship just a little over one month.

I met his mum and siblings even his friends were like I should make sure I get pregnant immediately.

We started the relationship in mid-September and by early November, we had had sex thrice.

All of a sudden he just changed. No calls. No messages, when I call him he won't pick up. Always giving me excuses like he's busy at work, he has issues at work, he hasn't been paid his salary.

Things are no longer as good as they once were. He is not happy he can't meet my needs and I always tell him I’m not with him because of money that I can always take care of myself.

All I want from him is just to show me he loves and still cares for me.

This guy will be online on WhatsApp and when I chat him, he will read and not reply. I’ve even had to tell him that if he’s tired of the relationship we should just go our separate ways but he always insists that he wants the relationship, that he is going through some difficulties he can't tell me and that I should give him some time to find his bearing.

He will tell me everything when it's time. When will that time come? He said I should be patient.

Okay, but that shouldn't stop you from calling or reaching out to me. He said he will change but it's still the same.

He has not call me for weeks and he is avoiding me on Whatsapp and he doesn't want us to break up.

What should I do because emotionally I’m drained!
________________

Dear reader,

I like that you have communicated your worries and sought change. That’s an admirable thing to do in relationships.

If he continues being distant despite your pleas and express communication of a desire to be with him, it won’t be your fault if the relationship dies a slow death.

And in fact, you should even hasten the process.

Why?

One-sided affection and efforts don’t make a relationship. You can only go so far in such relationship before becoming utterly fed up. There’s no helping it.

If one partner does all the emotional work and the other just lies limp in their corner and refuses to meet the trying partner halfway, there isn’t much hope for such relationship.

This is what is going to happen to your relationship if your boyfriend keeps being the way he is. You’re going to be further drained till you no longer have anything to give and then the relationship will be too spent to be salvaged then.

This predicted future is not inevitable. All you need do is walk away now that still have a piece of you unscathed.

There’s actually power in knowing when your best isn’t enough to save someone and really, throwing in the towel isn’t always a bad thing.

Just walk away while you're yet unburnt and unbroken.
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