Relationship Talk He claims to love me but remains too close to his ex; what do I do?

He still borrows money and sends airtime to the person that's meant to be his ex. Should I forget him, or I should give him another chance?

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Worried and confused. play

Worried and confused.

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Dear Bukky,

I met this guy at my workplace. As at the time he told me he was in a relationship with a girl spanning 8 years, but claims he no longer has feelings for the girl.

Fast forward, he traveled abroad for his masters but before he traveled; he proposed to the girl. I got to know from a mutual friend because he deleted me off his BBM.

I let go and went on with my life. He tried to reach me but I shut him out. When he came back after a year, he kept trying to make us friends, and then we started talking.

I guess after a while, [he and the other girl] started having issues and then she returned the ring.

Meanwhile he spends all of his time with me. He further mentioned that we should get back together, I hesitated at first but then we got back together.

We have never had sex, though we make out.

The issue now is this, he still talks to the girl, they borrow each other money and he sends her airtime.

I told him I wasn't interested in him and broke up with him when I noticed all of that and he just came up with how difficult it is to forget the 9 years they’ve been together because most of his friends still try to make them come back together and he feels like she would be devastated [if he breaks up with her completely.]

He came back begging and said they only have a casual relationship and he's ready to do anything to make [his relationship with me] work.

I have met his brother and when I insisted on meeting his parents, he invited me to a gathering where I saw them and just related but he didn't officially introduce me.

He said we would schedule a day to go to his parents’ house.

Just last week he mentioned his friend talking to him about his 9 years relationship and he told me he needed the weekend to think.

I got furious and cut off communication with him because I thought he had decided, but he came up [again] with gist of how he wants to be with me after I started ignoring him.

He keeps calling and saying he's decided to be with me and for me to meet his parents, but I still checked and he sent the other girl airtime.

My question now is, what should I do?

Should I just forget about him, even though it’s quite hard because we used to spend all of our free time together and we still clash at some regional meetings at work, or I should give him another chance?
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Dear reader,

I really must say how sorry I am for what you are going through.

I can only imagine the emotional pressure placed upon you right now.

Being in such a position of uncertainty is never good for anyone, and though love and life always have moments of complications, people who truly love and care about you will never deliberately complicate things for you.

I do not know how this sounds to you, but I am of a very strong conviction that this guy in question intentionally put you in this circumstance.

How do I mean?

From the message you sent me, it is obvious you have been a second choice to him since you both began whatever you have going.

It appears to me, from everything you sent, that he’s only keeping his options open and only comes back to you when it appears things with the other girl will never work.

No one deserves to be in that situation. Everyone deserves someone who sees them as the first choice, the only choice.

No matter how hard it’s going to be for you, I am going to advise you to stay very far away from that guy.

You are probably going to be reading this, asking yourself where you are supposed to start again from.

The answer to that is this: no matter how far you have gone in a wrong direction, it won’t still take you to your preferred destination. The solution will be to turn back, and head in the right direction.

The right direction in this instance will be to let him go, set time to heal and reposition yourself for a better, healthier relationship.

I actually see no alternative option here.

I hope you choose what will bring you all the happiness you deserve.
___________________

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