What is financial domination? Inside the fetish where women verbally abuse men for cash
By day, Tatiana, 30, has a full-time job in the entertainment industry. But by night, she makes an extra $20,000 to $30,00 per year as a financial dominatrix.
By day, Tatiana*, 30, has a full-time job in the entertainment industry. But by night, she makes an extra $20,000 to $30,00 per year as a financial dominatrix.
That means she demands money from submissive male clients, often known as "money slaves" or "pay pigs." In an average session, Tatiana can make anywhere between $50 and thousands of dollars even though she's never actually met any of her clients, let alone had sex with them.
In exchange, they just want to hear her go shopping while her phone jangles around in her purse, or they want to be verbally humiliated and called names.
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I love money," Tatiana says. "Money turns me on."
Financial domination (or findom for short) is one of the many fetishes in the world of BDSM. It most often takes the form of a submissive man giving his money, and thus his control, to a dominant woman, often a professional financial dominatrix usually, without any exchange of explicit sexual services at all.
Financial domination is when someone wants to have someone else in control of their money as a way of losing control, and [in some cases], as a form of humiliation, says sex therapist Kelly Wise, PhD.
Sometimes, this can take the form of a one-off small payment; other times, the domme can put the submissive on a rigorous payment schedule, even taking a portion of his paycheck. There are also more extreme forms of the fetish, including financial blackmail (where a domme will threaten to blackmail a sub if he doesn't agree to her terms), or even a sub handing over his bank account password so the domme can take as much money as they want.
Most experienced dommes and subs negotiate the terms of the relationship beforehand, so nothing is done without anyone's consent, but the ultimate goal is for the submissive to relinquish total financial control.
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For some professional dominatrixes, financial domination is purely a job. But others enjoy it as a lifestyle as well. "I get off on the power trip more than sexually,"Jenna Sativa, a porn performer turned fin domme, recently told Men's Health at the Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE) in Las Vegas.
For some men who are into findom, the appeal isn't even totally sexual, says Bratty Nikki, who has been working as a financial dominatrix on the internet since 2010. "For some of them, it isn't about the humiliation. It's about spending money on women because they think they deserve it," Nikki told Men's Health at AEE. "In our society, men's value is in how successful they are. So when they're willing to pay you a lot of money, it's real. It's more than them saying, 'Hey, I worship you.' They're putting their money where their mouth is."
Like any kink, financial domination depends on both parties tastes. Tatiana, for instance, doesn't interact with her clients in person, but through the internet, phone, and on websites such as What's Your Price, where you can either bid on or sell dates. Some of her pay pigs simply Venmo her money, while others will buy items off her Amazon wishlist. They've even bought her Hawaiian vacations. Fin dommes also use social media to encourage men to give them money. "My biggest day was $20,000. I did a retweet game [with a sub] where he had to pay me $100 per retweet," says Nikki. "It ended up being 187 retweets and he ended up giving me 20 grand to round up."
Most often, the financial exchanges are coupled with verbal humiliation sessions, in which the domme will make fun of their client via tactics like name-calling. Others simply want to see physical evidence of the gifts they give their dommes, or follow them on their shopping sprees.
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I have one guy that wanted me to call him. Then he would make a deposit to my account, and I would just go shopping and leave the phone on. If I was at Nordstrom's, I'd have the phone on in my purse, Tatiana says.
There are also more extreme forms of the fetish, including financial blackmail (where a domme will threaten to blackmail a sub if he doesn't agree to her terms), or even handing over their bank account passwords so the domme can take as much money as they want. Tatiana has apps on her phone that will let her take control of a client's computer, and he will watch as she directly transfers money from his accounts into hers.
They literally watch me log on to their computer. They'll be like, 'Don't take that much,' and I'm like, Whoops, I pushed enter!," she says.
The terms of such transactions, however, are usually negotiated beforehand, and Tatiana says she hasn't taken more than $1,500 so far. I have my own set of ethics. Some of these guys would let me take everything, but if you want repeat business, you need to make sure they're not suffering in the end," she says.
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While you might think that financial domination is a quick and easy source of income, long-time dommes say it's anything but."It is definitely easier money than anything else I've ever done, but at the same time, it's not easy, because you have to put in a lot of time and money for these clips," says Jenna. "You have to get your nails done. These guys want to see you looking good when they're giving you $100 for every paycheck. They'll lose interest if you're using that money to pay your bills, instead of splurging it on yourself."
While most dommes say the majority of their clients have expendable income, there's nonetheless a risk of pay pigs getting too deep into the relationship, or spending more money on dommes than they can afford. Most dommes say that if they sense that a client is spending too much money or is otherwise being hurt by the fetish, they will terminate the relationship.
"Anytime I've seen someone who's pushing themselves too far and was feeding an addiction, I've let them down gently or told them I don't think we should continue," says Nikki, citing a client who couldn't get through a cam session without getting drunk as an example. "You want to push the envelope, but you don't want to push them off the ledge. It is a delicate dance."
Dr. Wise has a few clients who enjoy being financially dominated. He says that for the most part, they approach it from a healthy place. That's because, much like other BDSM activities, practicing financial domination requires boundaries and communication. Both parties will usually take the time to lay out limits and discuss consent before entering the dynamic.
There are other clients who are not in consensual financial domination relationships who I am more concerned with, because the dynamics are not discussed beforehand [such as an older "sugar daddyspending too much money on a "sugar baby"] and it feels to me the partner is playing a power and control tactic that is a blind spot for the client, Dr. Wise says.
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Tatiana stresses that while her work does indeed involve humiliating men in exchange for money, that doesn't mean that she doesn't check in with them or care for them. She stresses the importance of aftercare, a word used by the BDSM community that refers to checking in with your sub to ensure both parties feel OK about the relationship.
[Being a financial dominatrix] does take a personality that is caring, says Tatiana. Sometimes a thank you is needed. While I'm the one who is doing the dominating, it is no secret that this man is sending me income that I'm supporting myself with. There is at least some sort of reflection of appreciation. You have to acknowledge the other person as a human.
Above all else, women who practice financial domination see it as a form of empowerment, or a practice that is in many ways much more honest and direct than other forms of sex work.
"When I was a dancer, you had to get money out of someone [much like in fin dom], but you also had to be complimentary and nice and say things like, 'Oh, you smell so good. Love your cologne,'" says Nikki."And women are sick of that. Women dont want to cater to men anymore. They want men to cater to them."
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