Fitness ​The ultimate bro workout

​Enjoy this homage to the gloves-wearing, grunting bro at your local gym.

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ultimate bro workout

(Photograph by Men's Health)
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With April Fool's right around the corner, we thought we'd put together The Ultimate Bro Workout for your viewing pleasure.

Surely you've seen some version of this guy at your local gym before. If he lived in the shire, his name would be Bro-do Baggins.

This meat-stick marches in to each training session suited and booted in a vomit-induction concoction of fitness clothing and gear. A skully, toe shoes, compression tights, stringer tank, and yes... gloves. The color scheme suggests nothing more than that he's color blind.

Then there's his exercise selection—the word "extreme" doesn't really do it justice. Everything he does is just a bit "extra."

If you use one band to do shuffles, he'll use 8 for a 1,038 percent increase in muscle activation.

If you do a mile run, he's gonna do it while wearing a weight vest and doing spastic curls and presses with dumbbells. But not just regular dumbbells, dumbbells with Fat-Gripz handles added to them for more arm activation. It's all about dem gainz and you gotta work the whole body, baby.

And regular pullups just aren't gonna cut it. You need to do them on one arm at a time so the other arm can hold a dumbbell and do work, too. Don't forget about that pause set at the end, bro. You've gotta shock that muscle into growth!

Plus, this dude often has an enabling wingman for a training partner. They assist and push each other into pure exhaustion, often with a level of unnecessary closeness and touching. And that's cool, just not in a gym setting. It's just too much bro, bro. And stop yelling at each other!

And if there's one hallmark of a bro's training regimen, it's an epic level of randomness that suggests there's no method behind his meathead madness. He'll go from jumping over a barbell to bear-hugging a boxing bag to doing the step machine with a back leg lift to make that peach a little perkier. And then suddenly he's break-dancing in the middle of the gym floor right after he finishes balancing on a Bosu ball while juggling.

It's a shotgun approach to training that's based on the assumption that if you throw enough crazy movements at your body, something good is going to happen. Something IS going to happen, but you may not like the result. And there's certainly a better, less douchey way to get the job done.

So here's to all the bros out there. Thanks for annoying us and showing us exactly what NOT to do in the gym. We appreciate your service.

Be sure to share this with any of your fitness friends who can relate.

Sincerely,

BroJ Gaddour

Head Bro

P.S. Need a meal to fuel this Bro-tastic workout? Check out this ultimate burrito recipe to meet your gains goals.

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