From sleeping with their kid’s football coach to getting beaten by a 6-year-old daughter who thought daddy was hurting mommy during sex
We laugh, but these children are probably scarred for life
There’s an inevitable moment in every parent’s life when your kids see something they probably shouldn’t. On the anonymous secret-sharing site Whisper, parents revealed their most embarrassing moments when their kids walked in on them having sex (or doing weird sex stuff).
The typical best-case scenario: Your son stuffs your old VHS copy of American Pie in the VCR and learns human anatomy a decade too soon. The worst-case scenario: He walks in on you and your wife testing out your new sex toys you bought online, and now you’ve got some serious explaining to do.
But fear not, because these Whisper parents have endured way worse. From getting caught sleeping with their kid’s football coach to getting beaten by a 6-year-old daughter who thought daddy was hurting mommy during sex, the treasure trove of embarrassing childhood discoveries is equal parts hilarity and extreme discomfort.
Whether you’re a parent or someone who’s planning to have kids or your own, this shameful diary serves as a primer for what not to do when you’re getting your freak on down the hallway from your kids. Here are the 10 most embarrassing Whisper stories on unplanned home-schooling.
“My son walked in on his football coach spanking me last night :(”
We’re just hoping this woman had enough timeouts left in the game to explain to his or her son what “hitting the tight end down the middle” really means.
“My husband and I were having sex at 2 a.m. when our 6-year-old daughter walked in and yelled at him to ‘stop hurting mommy!’ Then she jumped on the bed and hit him with a book.”
Let’s hope that book was Curious George and not War and Peace, otherwise this poor fellow may not be getting laid for a while.
“I slept with my husband’s boss at my son’s 5th birthday party. My son walked in on us.”
Well, um, hire an attorney?
“My 3-year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I mid-orgasm, I told her we were having a tickle fight and spilled milk on each other.”
They say it’s not good to cry over spilled milk, unless you’re someone who cries during orgasm. In that case, sob away.
“My 3-year-old walked in on my husband and I getting busy today. So I think we will be paying for a few therapy sessions down the road.”
Or, you lie through your teeth and tell them they’d just watched a deleted scene from Planet Earth in virtual reality. What could go wrong?
“My 6-year-old walked in on me having sex, and then ran away and told his sister, ‘I saw mommy jumping on the bed!’”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we instruct our children never to jump on the bed until they’re at least 18 years old and possess proper protection.
“One time my daughter walked in on me when I had just gotten out of the shower and asked, ‘Mommy, why is there grass on your peepee?’”
Honestly, we got nothing. Good luck with that one.