How much does tribalism affect our marriage choices?
Please Joan my parents have refused me from marrying the person I love just because he is a Yoruba man. What do I do?
Ukahi Faith – Nigeria
I must admit that tribalism is - sadly - still a huge hindrance to our marriage choices back here in Africa. Parents believe it is their responsibility to make sure their children make the best marriage choices and sometime go off limit. I’m so sorry you are facing this dilemma where its either you go against your parents or you leave the man you love.
At this point, YOU are the one to make the decision anyway and it could be hard or could hurt one party or both. If you are 150% so sure he's the right man for you, you have to make your parents see that too – get them to see what you see in him careless his tribe.
Also don't make the mistake of insulting your parents in front of him because if you end up with him against your parents, he could maltreat you with the knowledge that your parents won’t listen to your cries since you disobeyed them. So stay calm, think hard and get your conviction out and loud for your papa and mama to see how GOOD he is to you and your entire family whether he's Yoruba, Igbo, Efik or Hausa.
I just discovered about this column. I don't feel sex with my husband and it’s tearing my marriage apart. We got married in 2004 and he travelled abroad to come back in 2010 for the first time. He's still based there but comes back within the space of 8 months. When we do have sex, my body is always dry. We also have no children yet. Could that lead to my inability to have a child? He told me to quit the marriage and go for where my heart is but I have nobody. If he's around I don't feel anything but when he goes I feel it a little bit. Please what do I do to feel my husband?
Nikkysworld - Nigeria
It's obvious the distance between your husband and you is the major issue. Because he is always away your feelings for him dies gradually. I'll suggest you guys work on the living situation; its either he returns for good and spend time creating his own family or you go meet him if you really want to make it work.
However, the fact that you don't 'feel' your husband cannot be the cause of your inability to make nor have children. Children are a product of sex so if you are not having sex with him, then you cannot have kids except either of you have fertility issues, for which I suggest you visit your doctor.
Both of you seem frustrated with the marriage and its affecting everything else. Start by living together and the rest could be solved.
Hi, Joan. This is Adebola. Read the story of the useless man who raped his son and I want to strongly recommend that the woman should contact Mr. Praise Fowowe (7ADBFB85) who is an expert in matters like this. She could also Google the name to get him on his site. Please it’s very important so that boy's life is not destroyed. There is hope and the woman should not be ashamed of getting help for her son. PLEASE.
Adebola Adejuwan, Lagos - Nigeria
Thank you so much Adebola. I'm so glad you could be of great help to this poor woman. The fact is the man has disappeared into thin air and the police are also into the case – the last I heard from the mother. But we are so grateful for this link. It would be sent to her as soon as possible. No help is so little nor impossible. Thank you and God bless you.
Thanks for the all the mails so far guys. Please feel free to send your mails and let's all try to find a way out of those nasty Sex & Relationship problems.