The Nigerian Hustle 5 ways a foreign accent can make your life easy

Hold your nose, twist your tongue, now begin to speak the language of hard currency.

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Charles Okocha play

Charles Okocha also known as Igwe Tupac

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The foreign accents are here and will go a long way to make you great, so if you can twist your tongue, better start twisting now.

Exhibit A: See how Kemi Adeosun confused daddy Bubu into giving her the plum job with her East London brew.

Accent (and money of course) is the difference between this.

 

And this.

 

Now look to the person beside you and say, “Neighbour, foreign accent can make your life better.”

Let us count the ways.

1. There’s the ‘international exposure’ part.

When you start a sentence with “When I was in the States” or throw in a “This is not how it’s done in London”, you drop a subtle reminder to everyone around that you’ve been to The Abroad. Going to the abroad isn’t beans

Ask this Oga.

Now there are two things involved; you might get noticed by a hater or by a potential employer. If you’re noticed by a hater, it’s not relevant. But if you are noticed by an employer, this takes us to second gear.

2. Your employment advantage is working for you.

Praise the Lord. Foreign accent is synonymous with foreign training. It does not matter whether you picked it up in a University in Nigeria’s 37th state, The Benin Republic.

Houdegbe North American University, Republic of Benin play

Houdegbe North American University, Republic of Benin

(globalvillageextra.)

It doesn’t matter that you picked up a British accent in the heat of the Middle East. The heat works in mysterious ways. Now better be ready to ‘work’ that talk.

3. What about the customer service part?

Did your bank withdraw debit your account for foolish reasons? Did your cable service refuse to activate your subscription? Are you tired of waiting in queue? Activate. That. Accent.

So before the accent. Your mood will be like,

And when you drop accent, it will switch to,

4. There’s the checkpoints part.

When they stop you, they’ll turn you to Lawrence Aninih. Or Derico.

But the moment you drop accent.

This might cost you though, but be rest assured that they’d let you go if you tell them you “needta catch a flight”. Note that according to the National Convention on Foreign Accents, it is impossible to be broke and have foreign accent. Roger the boys.

5. Then there’s the knacks part.

There’s this guy. A pilot complete with British exposure and all that. He told us how the accent gets him free knacks every December.

“When you get into a club, and you get talking with a girl, you have one goal in mind. Knacks. You start to cozy up and use words like ‘goals’, ‘plans’, ‘we’. If her plan was money (which is short term), she’ll quickly switch up to long term goals. You know, “maybe this is the one”, “patient dog gets the fattest stack’. So you’ll get her number, and probably get free knacks all through the holiday. Not in your house of course. When you travel back in January, flush your sim card down the airport toilet.

Hot tears.

Repeat next December.

So, neighbour, if you have accent, don’t let anybody make you feel bad about it. Own it, claim it, flaunt it everywhere and piss off every hater. They were not there when you were queuing at the embassy, or when you were dying in the cold, or washing plate, or doing whatever it is you were doing in The Abroad.

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