We are in the Lounge and it is getting hot in here. The guys are back and just as some spirits are going down, the gist is getting hotter.
First to kick it up is poor Koko, who, I must confess, has been very unlucky in love since his babe, Gladys, left him in the lurch last year. Koko is not in a happy mood and in his moment of frustration, he blurted out:
“But why are ladies the way they are?”
“How do you mean?” I queried.
“You know, it beats me when they always expect the man to pay for everything; from their hair, to make-up, feeding, clothes, house rent and transport money. Even when they have a good job, they still expect you to pay as if it is their birth-right. It is so frustrating,” he explains.
“Calm down Koks,” Kane, the man about town begins.
“You cannot take that dependency away from women because that is how they are made. They want you to pick up the bills even if they can afford to do so. They believe that this is a man’s world and if you want them, you should prove that you are capable. No woman wants to date a man who cannot take care of them.”
“But does it mean that women must always depend on men? What do they do with their money by the way?” Tito fires.
“Guys, let me tell you one thing. This phenomenon is only rampant here in this part of the world. In Europe and other advanced countries, a woman can decide to take you out for lunch and pick up the bills but here, the reverse is the case.
“They monetize everything, including their bodies. They never believe that a man can be broke at times. Can you believe that I asked this lady out last week and she brazenly asked me what I can offer her?” Koko is not relenting.
“Koko, I understand how you feel but this is Nigeria where a woman judges you by the size of your wallet, and man, if you want them, you have to pay for it,” bad Kane says.
As the discussion goes on back and forth, it sets me thinking. In the dating world, the modern man continues to wrestle with this all-important question: Who should pay on a date?
Not so long ago, the answer to the “who should pay?” question was a fairly easy one, but that’s not the case anymore. Evolving beliefs and social norms have muddied the water on who’s responsible for picking up the tab.
Today, every time the bill arrives, the guys must weigh their options carefully and proceed with caution; each decision not only influences the early stages of dating, but also affects the foundation of the entire relationship.
As a consequence, an egalitarian answer is always required.
My take on the issue is this:
In the beginning, there was man; similarly, in the beginning of the relationship, it is the man who pays. The first two to six months provide guys the opportunity to prove they’re solvent, capable and understand the social conventions of dating, - and all are three important qualities ladies will be looking for in a date.
During this time, as you pursue the relationship, you’ll be the one initiating the majority of the dates, (if she’s a “keeper,” you should be initiating almost all of them), thus making it your duty to pick up the tab.
Please note that nowhere is this more crucial than on the first date; regardless of the situation, (she asks you, she insists on chipping in, you’re in purgatory), a true gentleman will unfailingly pay for the first date - it’s the honorable thing to do.
In this part of the world where a lady expects you to pick up all the bill including even her body cream, men should not make the mistake of thinking a woman will pay for anything, even if what she earns is five times your salary.
It is an inbuilt system that has been imbedded in them that a man must pay. After all, you are the man, they reason. So guys, you must always pay. Even if she suggests that she pays, be man enough to reject that because at the end of the day, she will have a new name for you, like ‘broke ass’ or ‘Osho free’ guy.
But there are exceptions to every rule anyway. There are some babes who know that once in a while, they can chip in some little change to help out; but they are rare to come by.
Even at the beginning of the relationship a woman tells you she is capable of taking care of herself, do not give in to the temptation of letting her pick the tab or you will be a glorified boyfriend while the real man will be somewhere doing the main ‘service.’
But I also want to find out from you guys: must a man pay for everything a lady wants?