One of the biggest gifts that
Twitter User @Monaayy, identified as Monisola, wrote in a tweet, "I'm sick of broke shaming. It is obnoxious and cruel. To expect a man to be financially buoyant simply because he's a man is just as offensive as expecting a woman to cook and clean simply because she's a woman. Not every man has deep pockets".
While the conversation about gender roles has been dominated by the domestic positions and duties where women are relegated to, not much is said about the expectations placed on a man to be a provider.
Despite the younger generation leaning towards progressive views, relationships are still forged in the same traditional format.
It is one where a lot of pressure is placed on the man to provide for his partner and reach certain standards of wealth.
Enforcing these stereotypical roles does damage to the entire conversation about leaving people to be treated as independent individuals.
That is besides the fact that we're in 2018, and expecting a man to be a provider in a relationship can mean demanding a 24-year-old fends for two people, regardless of surrounding circumstances.
In a thread that followed her original tweet, Monisola wrote, "If we’re kicking against patriarchal norms then we can’t *expect* men to be rich because they’re men, especially if you as a woman don’t even have your own money! That’s a disgraceful double standard."
"If you don’t want the validity of your womanhood to be evaluated based on your domestic prowess, then stop devaluing men for being “broke”. Everyone is on their personal journey. He’ll get there when he gets there.", she continued.
"If you don’t want to date a man without money, fine, you have every right to make that choice. But don’t shame him for his financial status. That is cruel. Money does not grow on trees. I even see women shaming men for being in the exact same financial position as them and honestly I’m embarrassed. Don’t be hungry please.", she continued.
Understandably, her opinion has incited reactions. Some have come with applause; others are asking why she decided to shake this table that so many people are sleeping on.
For the most part, most men believe this is the first step towards building a society of true equality. There is a widespread belief that the conversation about gender roles is fairly imbalanced.
It explains the form of skepticism with which feminism has been met in certain quarters, by thye view that women want independence while pushing responsibilities to their men.
On the other hand, some of the tweets have expressed an interesting view; that men who are not financially buoyant come into relationships with the belief that sexual satisfaction is enough to fill the void.
The biggest takeaway from this conversation is that it seems, on the overall, that we have created a culture of unhealthy transactional relationships where one part needs to feel like their contributions are being met in equal turn.
Saying that this is not sustainable is stating the obvious, because many in our generation had front rows seats to how these roles put a strain on our parents' relationships.
If we are to have balanced relationships based on the idea of gender equality, we mut learn to shed these unrealistic ideas of what one party should have or do or bring to the table.
A woman who goes to a relationship expecting her partner to meet her financial needs would do well to sit down and realise that what she wants is actually a sugar daddy.
As Comedian and Urban Philosopher Chris Rock said in his Netflix Special "Tambourine", approaching relationships with the expectation of equal effort is wrong.
"A relationship is like playing band. Sometimes you gotta sing lead, sometimes you gotta play tambourine. Whatever your role is, just make sure you play it to the best of your ability".
Wise words from a wise man.
Not every man has their finances sorted. In the end, as women ask that they should not be defined by their roles, they should learn to not devalue men for not meeting their standards of wealth.
The pendulum swings both ways.