D'banj To Make Up With Don Jazzy! Here are our predictions for Nigerian entertainment in 2015

Iyanya will finally get a hit song, Don Jazzy will have label problems, D’banj will bounce back stronger, Wizkid will drop a Starboy album…Thus sayeth Joey Akan, Pulse.ng's Music Editor.

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D'banj and Don Jazzy play In 2015, D'banj and Don Jazzy will reunite. (Naija Pals)
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Doesn’t it seem like only yesterday that Wande Coal announced that he was removing his umbilical cord from Don Jazzy and taking his first baby steps into the harsh and unforgiving world of Nigerian music?  How much that has changed?

Nigerian entertainment is a funny business. Nothing is as it seems, with ‘packaging’ and insane hype making everything and everyone seem like a blessing from some Greek god. Also do we know that without a definite structure to the industry, and a host of dynamic personalities interacting, anything and everything can happen. (Casts a glance the way of Peter and Paul Okoye, their fight, marriage and reconciliation that involved a money making album).

We know D’banj will still get a new endorsement deal for doing nothing, Don Jazzy will still hold his staff in music videos and Toke Makinwa will think up new ways to be in the news. How boring. Yawns.

Well what a difference a year and a thousand albums and movies make (Nigerian has a great production rate. Just ask the hardworking folks at Asaba). Everything is in play in this crazy, up-is-down, blue-is-red, Korede Bello is a superstar, no, wait, Korede Bello is a star this year. From Wizkid’s fight with Saeon, Davido, and Samklef to Iyanya’s rumoured plans to drop artistes from Triple MG, everything is in place for a blockbuster 2015.


It takes a brave man -- and many commenters often use more colorful adjectives -- to attempt to impose order on all that chaos, but then if the Headies Awards can hold for another year and still withstand the barrage of criticism, I can venture out on a shaky limb and try to divine the rest of the new year. Just don’t hold me to these fearless predictions when Oritse Femi gets married, and Runtown becomes a record label owner in April.


Artistes That Need No Prayers

Let’s just get this out of the way...

Runtown

After dropping ‘Gallardo, the young performer has gone on to make himself a brand, headlining concerts, and making a great deal out of himself, while older and more matured artistes lie in obscurity. Expect Runtown to have a stagnant year in 2015.


Patoranking

Oh what a spectacular year this dancehall act had. Gaining massive appeal has made him more popular (and admirably sexier), with new singles dropped, and plenty of performance and endorsement money received, Chritsmas Dinner must have tasted yummy for the boy from Ebonyi State. But then a man who has had a good year always lacks it in himself to push for another year. What with all the new women twerking on him and all (Tiwa & Seyi Shay, hello). 2015 will be quite dicey for Burna Boy. He will leave have to dig deeper to really maintain a momentum.


D’banj

The matter with D’banj isn’t that he isn’t successful. The real problem lies in his inability to drop classic hits anymore for years. And with each passing day, the most disastrous of things keep happening; his fans begin to feel let-down.

Fans in Nigeria have laid many a complaint about their inability to connect with his new business style and many are berating his decision to ignore music and do more business.

Right now though, he sits in a very weird situation with reports of him being broke and in grinding debt. I expect him to unite with Don Jazzy…

And Drop Tonto Dikeh

I’m not sure if it’s her awful music, or another bout with marijuana that will make us pull out our hair again, but it’s a certainty that the Nollywood diva will do something so illegal and epic that D’banj will be forced to admit that he made a mistake when signing her.

Tonto can’t sing, and even though there was some shock value in D’banj adding her to his house, she can’t continue to dine out as a singer with just one song in an eternity of months.

D’banj will be forced to admit this is one failed attempt at PR score, and let her go quietly. He won’t make an announcement, just kiss, hug, and wish her away.

But trust the lady to go on to social media to denounce him, and profess love for her ape-named boyfriend, King Kong.

At least she’s got someone to share the cold nights with her.


Davido

One hit after another, this 21 year old man keeps us dancing to melodious meaningless songs. 2015 will be no different except in the area of musical compilations. Davido will drop a good album, dedicate it to his gold chain, and thank God for being rich and wealthy, before firing some insults the way of his haters…and Diamond Platnumz.

Talk about juvenile delinquency.
 

Stella Damasus Will Get A Ministerial Appointment

I see Stella Damasus join an arm of the government. The Nollywood actress has earned it by being very vocal in her criticism of the Nigerian government.

She took the Chibok girls saga personal, crying her heart out to whoever wants a listen. This year, with all the shift in power being played out in the media and in our arguments, I forsee a lady with the name of Stella become an official ally of the new Government. I’m guessing Ministry of Women Affairs…or something really important.


Wizkid Will Drop Another New Amazing Album

2014 was the year of rebranding for Wizkid. He finally left the beauty of Banky W, choosing his own path called the yellow brick road of Starboy, and now has it in his sights to be very successful boss. Yes, he can. He’s the King Midas of Nigerian Music!

This year, he’ll drop his first independent personal album, and it will blow the world away. Wizkid’s new album might be so good, that the heavens will bring down rapture quickly before the world begins to worship him. Amen


Jesse Jagz Will Begin A New Path To Pop Music…and Marriage

I cried a tear when Jesse Jagz appeared at an event, absent scary hair, absent smell of cigarettes. But I wept like a baby when he took to an Industry Nite stage to sing with his elder chubby brother.

Here we are thinking that he has left the realm of mankind and begin communing with the gods. But no, he’s a mainstream Nigerian rapper, singer, songwriter and producer after all.

In 2015, Jesse Jagz will begin to rediscover his pop side of music, and release a club single.

Also, Jesse Jagz will get engaged this year. Thus sayeth the Joey Akan.


Don Jazzy Will Not Lose An Artiste But Will Deal With Internal Stress From His Older Artistes


We all did get the feeling that Don Baba J was losing his ‘X Factor’. D’banj took a huge chunk of it on his way out, so did Wande Coal. But the man keeps being so amazingly good at what he does best; good music.

In 2014 he signed 3 diminutive singers, and his bravery and calculated branding was rewarded with hit songs, and more money.

This year, I predict war in his house. Not the kind of war to be made public, but some friction from the older folks who will need more assurances and commitment from the boss for them to be happy as singing bees.

 

But Don Jazzy will find a way and come out pretty comfortable. He’s still Don Jazzy. Remember?

But He Will Be Re-United With D'banj

Thus answering the prayers of all fan, music enthusiasts, and the odd unemployed hipster. Amen.

Soul E Will Predict Deaths Of Nigerian Stars

The former singer turned cleric will finally spend enough time ‘with the Lord’, and come right out of it blazing hot with revelations from all that time spent in His presence. He’ll finally release a long list of musicians who will die this year from poisoning and immorality. Pray people, pray.

He’ll have help from the media houses, of course.


Olamide Will Lose His Mojo

Thus ending my favorite disgust at his successful razz indigenous music. Street-hop is popular these days, but for how long? Something else will come out to replace it. Some new sound that’s equally senseless, but appealing to the ears of Nigeria.

I’ll say, with the downfall Olamide, Reminisce will also go too, thus ending all the talk about ‘street being the new cool’.


Iyanya Will Get Back To Number One

In 2014, Iyanya worked with a lot of people to get a number 1 hit song. But he only found some light with ‘Mr Orio’.

This year will flow smoothly for him, as he reunites with the first love of his life, D-Tunes, and get some hits out of his muscular system.

There will be no sexy singing and reputation to pull him through. He will give us hit songs, you hear? Hit song!

….And Drop Some Artistes From Triple MG

While Iyanya will be smiling to the bank, and basking in the glow of pop appreciation, all the other acts at Made Men Music Group will be biting their nalis, shifting their feet in the sand, and receive diagnosis of increase in their blood pressure.

Triple MG will drop an artiste, if not 2 artiste, and thus will confirm all talk about the label being ‘just a dream’. They are beginning to wake up.

Flavour Will Get More Kids

All of that sexy look and photos on social media has to mean something, right?

In 2015, Flavour will begin to have a huge influx of kids into his life. The Lord’s blessing will be upon his house (and his rod), giving him children beyond measure.

Amen.
 

Finally, Falz To Launch Comedy Show

Social media has really been a blessing for Nigerian entertainment in 2014, but apart from Toke Makinwa, one other person who put in the hashtag to beneficial use is Falz.

Women love his jokes and twisted English videos. Right now, some people would choose him over many of the current mainstream comedians in the country.

In 2015, he sure will get the chance and the recognition to become a full-time comedian.

These are my predictions for 2014. Watch this space, they will come true. Thank me later.

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