Moms, Dads, we need to flip the script

God never sent me to fix the whole world. So, it's not really my job to worry about it. The 'world' I am called by God to touch is the one in my home. That's my first sphere of influence and it's yours too. So, no matter what good we achieve out there in this big, wide world if our homes are churning out dysfunctional children-future-adults then we have failed the world.

I don't want to fail my world. Do you? I don't think so. I want to see it change for good and changing our world starts with us, in our relationships, in our homes and because they are our future, with our children.

That's why I come today calling on all parents to please commit to changing the narrative. What do I mean? There is a script of roles and responsibilities in marriage we have been handed by our parents; and they in turn got it from their parents. In my opinion, that script no longer works. It's needs to be flipped on its head so we can save marriages and homes and by so doing, save our our children, the future of our world.

A sistafriend of mine, Ebun sent me a post this morning. It's that note that has inspired this post:

Dear Mom and Dad,

Can I just say that everything I'm about to share with you, I'm taking to heart myself. My mighty good man and I have a 22 year old first born son, a 19 year old only princess and a 13 year old last born son. Not only will I begin to change my narrative with them, they will all read this post. Flipping the switch will begin in my home.

So, dear Mom and Dad, first and foremost, please, please, please, stop pressuring your children, especially your daughters to get married. If they are old enough to get married, then you should trust that they are old enough to know when they are really ready for it. Your desire for grandchildren should have nothing to do with anything! Look around, see your peers and how they are now becoming by force caregivers to their grandchildren because mommy and daddy have gone bust. Is that what you want?

Mom? Dad? Please, stop teaching your daughter that it's her job to fix her man! Is he a broken toy? Is she a human mechanic? Is she God? See, teach your daughter to understand that the only person she can 'fix' is herself. That's why she needs to take her time, shine her eyes and trust God to bring her a man with flaws he has equipped her to deal with. Yes, cause we are all flawed. Marriage is about loving someone enough to accept them warts and all. Tell your daughter that if she knows deep down she can't deal with the warts she is seeing in a man, she should wisely move on. We have seen women die thanks to the 'warts' of their husbands!

Dear Parents! Especially you, Mommy stop telling your daughter that 99.9% of the work to be done to keep a home is on her! Tell her instead that she should marry a man that understands and agrees that 'together, they will be and will do more' . Tell her that she and her husband are 'Co-HomeBuilders'. They ought to work hand in hand to build their home. Yes, I'm all for being a Proverbs 31 woman but let the man too be 'man after God's heart', an Ephesians 5 man (specifically as described in verses 28-32). Personally, the only place I feel a woman should try to out do her husband is on her knees, in her War Room.

Look around you, you've succeeded in raising strong daughters and weak sons. Nonchalant men who believe that they can lay around doing nothing while the women work. If you are not working outside the home at least help at home.

All around you, you will see over-burdened wives, mothers, sisters and daughters. Women who are wearied, stressed and drained, from having to

fix themselves and then run around fixing the 'broken' men who ought to be fixing themselves and fixing things around the house. It's time to flip the script.

Dads, Moms, please teach your son that it's his job, as the head of the home to provide for his family. Full stop! This way, he won't expect his wife to share family responsibilities with him and 'beat' her up emotionally if she can't. 'I'm not saying she can't help out but when she does he should appreciate her for it. Help suggest you, the man, are already doing something and your wife joins in it support you.That's what being a true Helpmeet is about.

Please Mom and Dad, teach your son that he's the sole protector of his home. He cannot go off chasing fun and pleasure leaving 'wifey' at home to 'jones'. His fun is no fun without his wife. I know couples need 'me' time but not at the expense of 'couple' time. And not instead of it. And any thing he does outside of the home that causes his wife's heart to 'cut' needs to be reconsidered.

Mom and Dad? Especially you Dad, teach your son that loving his wife is a daily affair. Every single day, he must make her feel loved, in every sense of the word. But then again, my prayer is that you both bring up your daughter to understand that the only person that can truly fill the 'hole' in the Love doughnut of her heart is God. Period.

Teach her to derive her sense of worth, significance, and her self-value from who she is in Christ.

And can I just say Dad that daughters who have strong bonds with their daddies usually grow up to be confident young women. Hint. Hint. Show interest in your children. Don't just be the 'Punishment' Daddy. The one they only hear from when they are in trouble'. No, be present across all spheres of their lives.

Dear Parents and I really need you on this one Dad. Please make your son understand that he's not done anything for his children until he loves their mother completely and visibly. Mothers are the thermostats of the home. They control the 'temperature' of the homes. Teach your son to know how to keep her at the right setting. It will be a win-win for all.

And do you know what Papa? The best way to do the above is love your son's mother purely and truly. Let him watch you do that. When he sees you doing it right, he will replicate that in his own marriage and you will feel so blessed!

Mom and Dad, I hope you read this over again and commit to flipping the script you were given on its head. By God's grace as we do this, we will raise our sons to be the kind of husbands we want for our daughters. And we will bring up our daughters so that they go into marriage strong, confident and prepared to work with their husbands to build solid Christian homes where children thrive and grow up into great and godly future parents and leaders!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance! May 2017 be your best year yet!