Beauty in your words

I had gone into the salon super hungry and once they had taken out my long overdue weave, I dashed out in search of food to eat in preparation for what i term an ordeal but other women seem to love. Once I had finished my meal, it seems I had regained consciousness and sense. As I sat in there waiting for the treatments to begin, I was met by the smile of little girl who couldn’t have been more than 9 years old.

Now I am a sucker for kids and the super cute ones always get me; as far as I am concerned they can never do wrong. Their rosy cheeks, cute smiles, dimples and the innocence in their eyes truly resonate with me and testify to the wonders of God’s work. This little girl I refer to was also cute in her own way; she wasn’t the most beautiful looking girl, she didn’t have the best smile or dimples; in fact she would have been considered a regular girl were we to have a rating at all.

As she sat there getting her hair braided and adorned to make sure she is the most beautiful of all the flower girls at the wedding she would be attending the next day, I realised quickly that her smile was very unapologetic....almost like she had been given a world Guinness record for the best smile in the world I secretly wondered what made her so happy. I also noticed that at various intervals, her mother who was closely monitoring the process and constantly referring the hair stylist to a picture on her phone and then throw words of affirmation her way. She would say words like “oh, look at my beautiful daughter ” or “you are so beautiful” or “your hair is so beautiful” or “ah, see my baby”

I sat there for a few moments and watched this mother and daughter moment, I realised that the joy and happiness this child exuded was the love she had been fed by her mother. She walked with confidence, spoke without reserve and questioned all that she didn’t agree with. Whenever she felt pains from the tugging on her scalp, she would grab her mother’s hands who would in turn say “sorry”. I admired their bond and marvelled at the closeness she shared with her mother, she would ask “mummy how is your tummy now” and the mum would reply “it’s much better my baby”.

They have created a world that is safe and loving where they both had each other’s back with uninterrupted supply of love.

As I sat and watched in awe, I was reminded of an experience I had in Secondary school. I attended boarding school and anyone who had similar experience growing up knows that ever so often when ladies have to share the confides of one room, they clash. There would be hair pulling, abusive words and slaps flying in the air.

On this day, two ladies had been having a heated argument and Miss A referred to Miss B as stupid. In all my life, I had never seen anyone react to the word stupid the way she did, she was broken and in pain. I am sure you are reading this and thinking why will someone cry over the word stupid? NO she didn’t cry. She was hurt in the fact that someone could call her stupid, but she didn’t cry. She stood firm and looked the other lady in the face and said “why would you call me stupid? Do you know what that word means? My parents have never called me stupid in my entire life so I would not stand here and let you call me stupid. I am beautiful, intelligent and fearfully made by God and you must apologise not to be but to my parents and God for disrespecting their precious Jewel”.

To say that the rest of us found her reaction funny is an understatement. Other students rolled on the floor in laughter at the way she had addressed Miss A; to us it seemed unnecessary and uncool after all she only called you stupid...it not that serious.

It was almost 10 years after before I relived that experience and I realised that was the first time that I had experienced a QUEEN in her full glory and I needed to be a queen myself. I want to raise children that know they are Jewels; who will grow up loved and capable of loving other and still know they are “Jewels”

There is a generation of people in our society who grew up in verbally abusive environments and although We enjoy watching Instagram video that refer to the funniest and craziest insults African parents use, we cannot deny the damage these words did and are still doing to people.

There are young women across Nigeria who is in desperate need of LOVE that should have been in excess supply at home but they end up in the wrong relationships where the concept of love has been distorted by the other party who recognises their thirst for love but is truly only there to take advantage of you.

There are young men who end up in cults that promise a bond they have never experienced in their lives. Have you told your child he/she is beautiful? Have you called your child intelligent? Are you building confidence in your child or are you breaking them one word at a time?